


Freedom in captivity

by helenaamell



Series: Freedom in captivity [1]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3
Genre: Abuse, Bullying, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, First time trying a bunch of stuff, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Impregnation Kink, Insecurities, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, Rape Threats, Rough Sex, Smut, Trust Issues, abandonement issues, alcoholic parent, extremely sappy, girls supporting girls, mush, teenage love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-06 22:00:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 44,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14066496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helenaamell/pseuds/helenaamell
Summary: James has left his daughter Kitty to her fate in the vault, being the last doctor in the vault the overseer cant throw her out, instead he has given her a suspension that limits her to only spend time in her apartment or the clinic until further notice. Her suspensions lift coincides with Susie Macks birthday party, will things change because the others haven't seen Kitty for 10 months? Of course they have, otherwise this wouldnt be much of a story. But moreso the change between Kitty and her childhood bully is the most dramatic in its change.





	1. A cage within a cage

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a prompt I thought of when I saw that they used a Mr Handy as the doctor when getting rid of anyone with any medical training from the vault, it would make sense to do what you could to keep the vault dweller around if shes the last doctor available right? I was heavily inspired by prompts in teen movies where a girl makes a slight change and suddenly gets treated differently, I am aware that this is problematic but I just wanted to find a scenario where Butch doesnt see the vault dweller as just "nosebleed" without her having to actually leave the vault, so be aware of cheesyness.  
> Im posting the first chapter to see if anyone actually likes it but I have another two or so already written so if you like it please leave a kudos and I will post the other two. (Im freaking out about posting at all) ? Ive never written a fanfic before and English isn’t my first language so please be kind if you spot any errors or just don’t like my story.  
> (If youre only here for smut I will be tagging the chapters containing it in their notes.)

Dad hadn’t been home even once in two weeks: Kitty thought as she once again prepared dinner for one in the small vault apartment that without her dad somehow felt ginormous.

Since her turning eighteen her dad started to spend more and more time at his secret project. He wasn’t around a whole lot before then either, but since she had been assigned a workplace and finished school she’d seen even less of him.

When she was younger she atleast could’ve gotten his attention by doing well in her studies. But now they barely even spoke anymore, even though they technically lived AND worked together. She didn’t have many friends apart from him and Jonas, of course there was her very best friend Amata to fill out the emptiness she felt from being so alone, but Kitty longed for something more.

She sighed and poked with her fork at the food on her plate. She didn’t feel like eating, it just felt like another chore to get out of the way. She just wanted to go to bed; she missed atleast having homework to occupy her mind.

During the days she sat in the clinic helping Jonas and her father, but she might as well have been a ghost considering how little she actually had to do. The vault residents rarely got sick or injured and her dad and Jonas were always working on their illusive ”project” in a sideroom so during her workdays she mostly just sat around by herself reading behind her desk.

At first she had mainly read and then reread books deemed appropriate by the overseer, they were mainly manuals meant for those working maintenance as well as different medical journals. She felt trapped, bored and lonely.  
  
The few chances she had to actually work outside the clinic were with Agnes Taylor. The old woman had a weak heart from a life well lived (atleast so she said) and needed weekly checkups in her home.

During the checkups they usually made small talk and over time they bonded over their shared love of books.  
Agnes had alot of her own books and allowed Kitty to borrow whichever ones she wanted. Kitty always wondered where she had got ahold of them all to begin with, no one ever went in or out of the vault so it puzzled her to no extent how such a collection could’ve been hidden right under the overseer’s nose. But curiosity killed the cat so she just rounded it up to good luck on Agnes part.

One day in Kitty’s search among the old woman’s prewar treasures she had stumbled upon what appeared to be a romance novel. The cover depicted a lightly clad woman being embraced by a shirtless man with muscles that somehow actually _glistened_ in the sunset. Kitty had made a loud snort and blushed when she came upon the treasure; which caught the attention of Agnes who had glanced over and gasped happily as she saw Kitty’s find. Apparently it was one of her favorites, so of course Kitty just _had_ to read it.

Since she had opened that first book she was hooked. Romance novels became her new escape, she could lose herself in words so clearly written outside the walls of any vault. Sure they were cheesy, but she didn’t really care. Also there were alot of descriptions of sex in the books, things she of course, knew little to nothing about. They didn’t have much sexual education in the vault, but she had been told the basics by her father.  
"Boys and girls have different parts. Right? And when a boy and a girl love each other…"  
  
Now suddenly Kitty found herself wondering more about that part of herself, was it bad for her to be thinking about it? When Mr Brotch had gone through the vault approved sexual education course with them his dark skin had somehow managed to look tinged with red. It all seemed so very forbidden, like you weren’t supposed to ask about it or talk about it so Kitty had up until now always just ignored it. She hadn’t had any reason to think of it before now after all.

  
Agnes however had a whole stack of novels just like that first one, so Kitty felt that she had been given an escape that made everything else somehow more bearable, for now at the very least. She didn’t want to think about what she would do when she had finished all of the books Agnes had on hand. That was something to worry about for a later date.

After washing her plate up and brushing her teeth she retreated to her bed. Having given up on eating she thought she would just try to go to sleep.

  
Or maaaaybe she could read just a liiiittle bit more before doing so... The evening time was the only time she was able to after all, unless of course she tried to hide her book in a medical journal during workhours.

But her father and Jonas being so close by during most of the day made her rule that option out. So when she stayed up late reading she figured it was worth losing some shut eye over.

She didn’t need to be fully rested just to sit behind her desk another day anyway.

She pulled the book out from under her mattress and continued eagerly on from where she had previously left off, the heroine and her travelling companion had been shipwrecked and made camp.

Kitty’s fingers ghosted over her mound as the heroine and her beau finally gave in to their urges for eachother. She had read 13 chapters to get to this part so she knew it was going to be good, _it damn well had to be._  
  
She imagined strong fingers instead of her own lithe ones as she touched herself, oh thank god she had been right; it was good, so very good.

She might not know what sex or love felt like but the way she could make herself feel just when she read about it made her yearn to know.

But she realistically knew she never would allow herself to be so brazen and apart from there not being that many “eligible bachelors” in the vault to begin with, she also didn’t want her father to think less of her. He might not give her much attention or affection anymore, but he was all the family she had.

Kitty’s actual name was Catherine, she had been named after her mother. The nickname Kitty was what she went by though, she didn’t know since that had been exactly but she assumed her father had somewhere along the road thought it too painful to repeat her dead mother’s name every day.

When she was a little girl and had asked about her mother, her father had informed her of how well her mother had done in her academics. About what a good christian she had been and how her selflessness knew no bounds.

  
That had initially spurred Kitty to also do her best to become _good_ , like her mother had been before her.

Surely then maybe, just _maybe_ , she could somehow be closer to her.

Even if she never could be physically, maybe she could be atleast in spirit, and maybe it would also make her father happy with her by showing him how hard she worked to make him proud.

  
Also, maybe that would prove that her mother hadn’t died in vain, because that was something Kitty had always feared. That what if the reason her father never seemed to acknowledge her was because he blamed her for her mother’s death.

  
Longer down the line it had started to feel as if she was battling an impossible battle against a saint rather than a parent. The warm image of mother managed to become distorted into a word meant to remind her how she was never good enough. No matter how hard she tried, somewhere deep down inside of her she knew her father would’ve traded her in to have her mother back if he could.  
  
She felt as if she was a warrior battling a monster that constantly adapted to be just a little bit stronger than her.

What at first had driven her was that she felt that maybe she actually could live up to her father’s expectations, but with time she started to realize that the closer she got to the bar her father set for goodness, the further up he would move it.

  
At around the same time she had started to indulge in her books, she had also started to come to terms with the idea that maybe she was fighting a losing battle.  
  
She couldn’t give her father her mother back, so she could never really make him love her.

She still hadn’t fully given up, but she felt like she was slowly coming to terms with the idea of accepting defeat. She would never defy him fully though, he was still her father after all. But she decided that she wouldn’t feel shame in the small pleasures she actually had allowed herself anymore.

The books were enough of a rebellion for her and she felt that with time she could be contempt with that, for now.

 

  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted as she heard the door open followed by her father’s whispering voice through the apartment.  
  
”Hello? Kitty are you awake?” The familiar low voice of her father rumbled

  
She had turned off all the lights except for the small one by her bed. Although she had missed her dad she was in no state to talk to him, so she turned her face towards the wall and pretended to be asleep, stashing her book underneath her pillow.

She heard his footsteps closing in on her. With her eyes shut tight she heard him whisper in the darkness.

  
”You’ve grown so big haven’t you honey, you’re a capable young woman now. I’m confident your life will be quiet and far away from danger.”

He was quiet for a while as if gathering his thoughts and then he continued talking

  
“I kept my promise Catherine. Watch over her when I’m gone will you?”

  
Kitty felt perplexed by his words but she felt sleep overcome her. What did he mean after he was gone?

The alarms awoke her suddenly; shed never heard them before so she yanked herself up out of bed in a panic.

She heard the door swing open and Amata barged in, lunging at her and exclaiming: Your father, he’s left the vault!

  
Kitty’s world had stopped right there. That’s what he had meant, he had been saying his goodbyes.

Things had happened so fast since Amata had flung into her room. Following not short after her the overseer followed and his men had escorted her to his office.

They had interrogated her about whether her father had told her about him leaving before doing so. Kitty had barely been able to talk, shock numbing her every conscious thought.

The overseer seemed to be of a mind to get rid of her, but seeing as he had apparently shot Jonas after interrogating him as he was her now, the vault couldn’t afford to lose its last remaining doctor.

So she got a promotion out of the chaos, her freedom was to be limited however. They couldn’t risk her doing something stupid and try to follow her father.

”Fat chance”

she thought, she was furious with her father.

He had never been around much but suddenly he thought his work was done so he could just leave her to her fate?

He must’ve known the overseer would put the blame on her, his hate wasn’t limited to James but it had by omission extended to her as well.

There was quite a big chance that she might’ve gotten killed, but her father mustve thought that was a risk worth taking.

  
Her freedom was now to be limited within the vault, she was given a curfew and a tracking chip was put on her pip boy. She was also informed that at unannounced occasions a guard could visit her in her apartment and do a sweep until her suspension would be lifted.

Until then she was to live her life under a magnifying glass. Not much of a difference she thought to herself, we’re already locked in to begin with after all.

Things had more or less turned back to normal since then. Sometimes she would be woken up in the middle of the night to Officer Allen Mack’s banging on the door; he was the one who had been unwillingly assigned to babysit her, or atleast that’s what he called it.

Perhaps luckily Kitty was used to not having her father around by now, so adjusting to life without him wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle.  
  
By leaving the vault he had severed any remaining feelings of responsibility she had previously felt, after all he didn’t feel responsible for her so why should she feel anything more toward him.

It was as if her last uncertainty about their relationship had been cleared up and she could see clearly for the first time. She felt that as he left, he had in a sense, set her free.

What did hurt her however was that during his escape Agnes Taylor had suffered a heart attack and died.

Whatever his reasons had been, two of her few friends had died as a result. She could only hope whatever reason had driven him had atleast been important.  
  
Figuring she would go on as usual and try to be a good girl, and follow along with whatever the overseer asked of her she returned to her usual rhythm. 

She didn’t want to follow her father, this was her home and all of this surveillance was unnecessary. So she spent her days in the clinic, doing her duty the same as she had done before.

After some months of almost complete loneliness she boldly started to bring her books along with her. It somehow felt wrong to still indulge in them after the loss of her friends but the loneliness during her days was driving her up the wall.

So back to her fantasies she escaped, apart from the times she was able to meet with Amata of course. Ultimately her father leaving presented her with an opportunity, as soon as she had regained her free access of the vault nothing could any longer stand in her way of living her own life the way she saw fit.


	2. Old enemies, new friends(?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got one kudos and that was enough for me to want to post the next chapter.
> 
> (added note)  
> I added the whole thing about weightloss because I lost a whole bunch of weight at one point during my schoolyears and was treated wildly differently. I gained it all back and I do not think it defines someones value BUT, it was an interesting experience and I thought to write it down. If someone loves you weight won't matter, but it was just good writing material so please don't misunderstand my intentions as fatshaming as I am not skinny by any means. 
> 
> Okay end of my Ted talk, hope y'all enjoy my writing!

**10 months later**

Officer Allen Mack was notorious for being a hardass, if you were caught doing something you shouldn’t it was a known fact that if Mack caught you, you were screwed.

What he said the other guards followed, probably because he was favored by the overseer, or maybe because he could make life hell for whoever he pleased.

That rule did however not apply to his own kids so when one of the Mack kids had a birthday you knew it was going to be good and for whatever reason even though she had been suspended for so long she had now been invited to one of those parties.

Kitty hadn’t exactly been one of the more popular kids back in school so the prospect of a party with her old classmates was more so terrifying than anything else.

During her schoolyears she kept to herself or she hung out with Amata and she was thereby usually the one the tunnel snakes would harass the most, atleast up until her suspension.

Nowadays she barely went outside the clinic or her home so unless the tunnel snakes wanted to take the fight to her doorstep she was left alone.

Now that was about to change, since her suspension period was finally up and the date coincided with Susie Macks birthday party.

Kitty wondered if Amata had been behind her getting that invitation, Susie didn’t much care for Kitty but her and Amata were on friendly enough terms.

Amata had in any case insisted that Kitty should go with her and whether it was out of a sense of wanting to please her friend or just sheer boredom from her isolation she had agreed.

Before she went outside to meet Amata she took a look in her bathroom mirror, her hair was especially frizzy today and she felt like she was at the mercy of a wild animal rather than an actual part of her.

She never spent much time looking in the mirror and she didn’t really like what she saw half the time.

Her eyes were a light green, apparently the same as her mothers. Her hair was all James however, blondish and wavy but somehow it managed to get incredibly messy so unless she was really lucky her best bet was to put it away in a tight ponytail just to have it out of her face.  
  
Today she for whatever reason couldn’t find any hair ties and she felt as if this must be an omen, staring dejectedly at the mop on her head.

It went down to underneath her breasts now, she wore it up so much she hardly actually looked at it.  
  
Since Butch became the vault barber she had avoided cutting it, even though she figured suspension or not - she would’ve probably been allowed the option.

But the last thing she needed were his hands near her scalp.

A shudder ran through her as she remembered why she had had to cut it all off to begin with.

She had used to wear it in a long braid, it was one of the few things she had liked about her looks when she was a kid.

But when they were 12 Christine Kendall had gotten ahold of a pack of gum from the commissary and Butch had gotten a piece to show off his masterly bubble blowing skills.

Kitty had per usual tried to block them out by reading her textbook and the rest was history.

The most embarrassing part was that she didn’t even notice until she heard Wally’s cackling behind her and witnessed Amata screaming at Butch as he gave her that signature grin that Kitty hated so.  
  
That day her dad had to cut it all off and since then she wore it in a bob, which with her already frizzy hair looked like some type of strange poof.

Now she hadn’t cut it at all in a year, she hadn’t seen Butch in about the same amount of time it had been since they finished school. Even though they basically lived wall to wall.

Eating was now something she did on the go or in the clinic since, and she usually stuffed a cupboard in the clinic with light snacks so she lived on those while sorting through files and patching up scraped knees and such.  
  
She had lost quite a bit of weight during her suspension, she had developed a habit of emotional eating during her stressful schoolyears.

But away with her anxieties about being perfect also went that appetite. She hadn’t actually seen _any_ of the others since about the time her dad left so she wasn’t even sure if they would look the same anymore - except for Amata of course. But the vault was so uneventful that 10 months felt like forever to her.  
  
They would probably look just as they had though, but it would be funny to find out that one of the boys was suddenly sporting a full beard.

But after all they had after all seen eachother more or less every day for most of their lives so not having seen them for longer than a week was a strange experience in and of itself, let alone 10 months.

 

She grabbed for the large hairbrush and tried her best to smooth down her hair “It’s gonna be fine, it’s just a party” she mumbled to herself again and again as a comforting mantra.

She had gone to Amata’s place before the party to prepare; the overseer was in his office so they had some time alone before they had to go.  
  
”Kitty come here! I want to show you something!”  
  
Amata called from her room when she heard her friend open the front door to the large apartment.  
  
”How did you know I wasn’t someone else?” Kitty asked as she entered her friend’s room and gasped at what she saw.  
  
On Amata’s bed laid cake eyeliner, a brown eyebrow pencil, some rogue and a tube of mascara.  
  
"Oh wow did the overseer finally allow you to buy makeup? Didn’t he say that you couldn’t wear any until you were married or something?"  
  
"Oh ha-ha very funny Kitty… Actually no he still thinks it’s a frivolous waste for me to buy but since we're now working and earning our own money he couldn’t very well tell me what to spend mine on."  
  
"Do you even know how to apply it?"

Kitty said in an uncertain tone as she picked up the cake eyeliner and its tiny brush.

Neither she nor Amata had their mothers around so there was no one to teach them these things.

That was one of the reasons they took to eachother so well initially, they knew what it was like to feel alone even in their own homes - since they both also had more or less absent fathers.

  
Kitty suspected this was one of those instances where Amata wanted them to learn together and while she did love the thought behind it her self-preservation told her this was a bad idea, atleast for her.  
  
"Come on Kitty Kat, you can’t deny yourself everything interesting forever just for the sake of laying low."  
  
Amata slumped down on her bed and looked up expectantly at her friend; head resting on the backs of her hands with her elbows against the mattress, a bright Cheshire like smile spreading from ear to ear - Kitty knew she was doomed.  
  
“Alright fine, you can practice on me, it’s not like I need to look pretty anyway.”

Kitty chuckled and gave her friend a playful punch to her arm.

Amata squealed in joy and Kitty felt the pang of instant regret as her friend took the brush and eyeliner from her as if brandishing a deadly weapon.  
  
Amata put a bit of eyeliner along Kittys top lashes, some of the pencil on her eyebrows and some rogue on her lips and cheeks.  
  
The mascara Kitty had to take from her and apply herself in order for her not to get stabbed.

Kittys eyelashes were naturally quite light brown so seeing herself with dark lashes felt extremely weird.  
  
She hardly recognized herself; she actually looked good..? And that scared her more for what Butch or Wally might say.

The makeup made her feel like she was another person, she had always considered herself almost sickly looking with her pale features but with the added color she somehow looked more alive.  
  
”You look so pretty Kitty Kat! Did I do a great job or what? Could you believe it’s my first time trying it on someone else?”

  
Amata’s expecting look collided with Kittys sense of dread, holy hell were the boys gonna dig into her if she went out like this.

She could already hear the tunnel snakes laughing in the back of her mind. But she could tell her friend had worked really hard to make her pretty so she couldn’t show her the fear she actually felt.

She swallowed loudly as she looked at her strange reflection.

“You did really good Amata, I actually look decent. Who knew I had eyes eh?”  
  
“Oh stop it! You’re beautiful, now Butch won’t be able to say anything! Freddie’s chin is gonna drop to his feet when he sees you.”  
  
“Freddie likes _you_ Amata, deflecting onto me won’t change that.”

Kitty grinned as she saw her friends cheeks turn slightly pink.  
  
“He does not!”  
  
"Does too!"  
  
"Ha! At least now you’re smiling again! Stop your worrying, it’s my turn and try to do your best so we won’t be late!"

  
Kitty felt her shoulders relax, Amata knew her tells.

She could relax her even when she felt like she might burst from anxiety. Feeling a bit more courageous she picked up the small brush and went to work trying to mimic her friends work on her.

Another thing that scared the living shit out of Kitty was that Susie had expressly written in the invitations to the girls that since it might be their last party with all of the gang as teens that the girls should wear dresses.

Kitty had scoffed at that, why didn’t the boys get dress codes too?

But she was also secretly excited since this was probably the only time in a few years they got to wear anything other than vaultsuits.

Amata had borrowed her a blue dress with a boat neckline and short sleeves hanging off of her shoulders, it was quite simple, but it clung to her in a way that made her feel exposed.

“You’ve lost all this weight might as well use this opportunity to show it off!”

Amata had exclaimed when Kitty had opened her mouth to whine. Amata herself wore a dark red A-line dress that made her look sophisticated but also somehow extra dazzling.

After putting on their respective outfits and taming the frizzy mess that was Kitty’s hair into something almost pretty they walked off to the Mack apartment.

  
Christine hardly looked at them as she let them in. She was wearing a mint green shoulderless dress that stopped just before the knee. It made her already slim figure somehow look even slimmer.

Susie’s muffled voice could be heard from another room, she sounded upset. Christine looked apologetically at Amata and Kitty as she whispered

“Stevie is still here so Susie is upset, her mother said we would have the place to ourselves but apparently someone messed up the guards schedules.”

  
"Mom said you were all going to stay away tonight!"  
  
"This is my home as much as it is yours Susie and it’s only a for a few hours. If your little friends can’t handle me being in another room for that long then Ive got some news for them, IT’S A FUCKING VAULT, were in eachothers faces at all times and that’s part of the deal."

  
  
Christine looked like she was conflicted between continuing to eavesdrop or if she should help her friend by distracting the newly arrived guests. Surprisingly enough for her she settled for the latter.  
  
"You both look so good! How have you been? I haven’t seen you in so long, Kitty I hardly recognized you!"  
  
She had said those things extra loud as to warn Susie of their presence no doubt.

Almost as soon as she had finished her sentence Susie yanked open the door and looked out.

  
“Girls! I’ll be with you in a minute so go into the other room for just a little bit while I fix myself up.”  
  
Christine signed for Amata and Kitty to follow her into the kitchen.

She sat down at the table that had different liquors placed out on it, Kitty was shocked at their lack of discretion.

Her dad would’ve grounded her until she turned 42 if he knew she had even laid eyes on this much booze - but then again, he wasn’t here now was he?

Amata must’ve thought the same thing because she looked at Kitty like they were two kids that had stumbled upon a treasure made of candy and Grognak comics.

Christine sat down with an exhausted look on her face.

“Stevie seems to be bitter about having to work the one night something interesting happens and Susie thinks it’s bad enough having one brother here so two seems to be just over her limit.”  
  
"Where are the guys anyway? I’m guessing it’s not a girls only party: Amata said while side eyeing a bottle of liquor to seem uninterested.

Kitty knew what she actually wondered about though, she wondered about when she would get to see Freddie.  
  
"Oh you know how they are, they always gotta show up a little later to make some kind of entrance. But enough about them, Kitty where have you been? I heard your dad left somehow?"

  
Kitty gave Christine a strained smile, of course there would be questions.  
  
Amata was quick to come to her rescue per usual

”Christine she’s had a rough year and she has no idea how her dad managed to get out so your guess is probably as good as hers.”  
  
Christine nodded her head slightly but then in an almost half whisper she said

”I wonder if he’s even alive.”  
  
Amata looked shocked at that, Kitty however felt nothing. During the year she had thought about the same thing more than a number of times.

It was only natural to wonder.  
No one was supposed to be able to leave the vault to begin with after all.  
  
Susie interrupted the awkward silence and came in with a sour look on her face.

“I swear you guys are so lucky you don’t have brothers.”

She poured some vodka in a glass and drank it in one fell swoop, her face twisting into a grimace as she did so.  
  
Christine smiled up at her

"My little sister is a pain too so I kind of know the feeling.”  
  
 Susie shrugged and wiped her mouth with her hand

"Atleast your sister is cute and doesn’t follow you around, my brothers are pains in the ass and I have to be around Wally all the time. I thought I could atleast be free of Stevie tonight but he seems to think different."  
  
Susie was wearing a pink poofy dress with a skirt that ended mid-thigh that flowed when she moved, spaghetti straps holding It up and a corsetlike waist.

Kitty couldn’t help but think she looked a bit like one of those cupcakes old lady Palmer would sometimes make.  
  
Susie noticed Kitty looking at her dress, giving her a look she could only describe as less than excited. She put on a strained polite smile as she addressed her  
  
“Oh hi Kitty, I wasn’t sure you’d show up. You’ve been gone for a while haven’t you?”  
  
She talked matter of factly and Kitty wasn’t sure if she was asking a question or just making a statement. It didn’t matter though, Susie usually wouldn’t even speak to her before her suspension so even being acknowledged by her could be considered an improvement on their relationship.

 

  
She heard the front door slide open and a voice that made her stomach curl out of old instincts.  
  
“We’re here!”  
  
It was Paul, which meant Deloria couldn’t be far behind. Instantly it was like Kitty was 14 again trying to hide in a schoolbook, but there was no hiding now and her dad wasn’t here to remind her not to get involved in fights. She steeled herself, she wasn’t gonna let that asshole get the best of her this time.

  
Even though she told herself all of that, she still couldn’r seem to stand up or turn her face in their direction.

Luckily the kitchen was located in a room to the far left of the entrance so she was shielded by a wall.  
  
Susie and Christine almost sprinted to meet the guys. Happy chattering becoming almost like white noise in Kitty’s ears.

Why was she here again? She should’ve stayed home, her makeup suddenly felt incredibly stupid on her face, her dress felt as if it might as well have been a lone thread protecting her from a pack of wolves.

  
She balled her hands into fists in her lap, there was no going back now without them seeing her so she had to gather up her courage and just face them.  
  
Amata must’ve noticed her friends struggle as Kitty felt her friends hand cover hers. She looked up at her friend and offered her as calm of a smile as she could muster. But the moment was rudely interrupted by another familiar voice.  
  
”Oh shit! Look who it is! Are you out on leave or have you managed to escape from your cell to join us?”

  
Looking to her side towards the newcomer she saw Wally Mack standing in the doorway, blue eyes fixed on her. Somehow it seemed his jaw had gotten squarer during the year, he didn’t look quite as boyish as she’d remembered him.

  
Other than that he was the same old Wally who used to pull her hair and call her lardo.

But something about how he was looking at her felt unfamiliar. She was fully prepared for him to laugh at her getup but he had stayed silent for a little while now, just looking at her.

He was eyeing her up and down in a weird way that she didn’t know if she liked or not.

He broke the momentary silence by saying the last thing she had expected

”Damn nosebleed, you clean up nice.”  
  
She felt her whole body stiffen at that, what the fuck? Did he just say something nice to her? About her appearance?  
  
She didn’t have time to process things before Freddie came in giving Amata a quick hug before turning to Kitty, giving her a short smile and hug too before greeting them both

”Hi guys, you’re both lookin good tonight! Long time no see Kitty!”

Freddie’s small familiar friendly gesture had Kitty relaxing somewhat. Not far behind them Susie returned to the kitchen and urged the boys to grab some bottles and come along.

”Were all here now so we can move into the living room!”

She told them and gestured for them to follow.

Kitty stood on shaky legs, fighting the urge to hide behind Amata as they changed rooms.

This was it, she was going to see him, she took a deep breath and held it in as she and Amata entered the living room together.

The Mack living room was probably the largest in the whole vault considering the Mack family was the biggest.

They had a big U shaped couch stretching along the walls.

As Amata and Kitty entered the room Kitty’s eyes landed on the couch table that had been covered with unopened packs of cigarettes and different cartons of snacks from the commissary.

Wally and Freddy put down the liquorbottles next to the rest of the things on the table.

Someone had put some music on and everyone seemed busy enough adding to or taking from the pile of goodies.

Christine was sitting close to Paul, Susie had put herself in the middle trying to urge Freddy to sit by her and Wally had opened a pack of cigarettes and lit one up.

Amata went over to sit on the end of the couch near where Kitty stood to pour herself and her friend a drink.

Kitty did her best to avoid looking at wherever Butch might’ve gone, but luck had never been on her side and she heard a familiar chuckle come up right behind her.

  
She turned around a little too quickly for it too seem anything other than jumpy and there he was, Deloria.


	3. Change is the only constant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im feeling brave so Im going to add my last fully pre-written chapter!  
> Thoughts and underlining of points are all in italics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised way too late that copy pasting from word removes all my italics so this chapter sounded so weird when I read through it again heheheh oops. I think I fixed all of them now though but just a heads up.

It was for some reason as if time slowed down when she saw his familiar shit eating grin spread across his face. But this time it elicited a different reaction from her than it had used to, she felt her stomach flutter.  
Butch had always been a looker, hell she hated to admit it but she felt worse trying to deny it. In the short year she had been apart from him he seemed to have become more... Grown up?  
  
He was looking down at her legs and then slowly all the way back up to her face. He was holding a lit cigarette and in a voice low enough for only her to hear he said

”Hey there nosebleed, long time no see.”  
  
  
Feeling as if her tongue was suddenly too big for her mouth she cursed silently to herself. Fuck, why had talking become so hard all of a sudden. She thought back on the latest book she’d read.  
  
  
_Goddamnit Kitty don’t clam up. Right, fuck, just try to pretend it’s some kind of novel and not the real world. Say something that sounds natural_.

She steadied herself and looked him in the eyes as she mimicked his low tone.  
  
  
”Deloria, I see you haven’t changed much.”

It sounded much too confident to be plausible she realised as soon as the words left her mouth.  
  
  
He made a low chuckle in response, and suddenly she felt as if he was a predator that could smell her fear. As she caught a glimpse of his blue eyes eyeing her up from under his dark lashes she could bet alot of caps that she simply reeked of it.

But something about the way he eyed her and how he held himself felt unfamiliar. As if they weren’t the same two people anymore, but more like strangers. Like two animals circling one another, sniffing eachother out before deciding if to pounce. Their silent standoff was interrupted as quickly as it had begun.  
  
  
"I knew the other gals were gonna jump at the chance at dress up but you surprise me nosebleed, didn’t figure you for the type."  
  
  
Wally had interrupted their tension by coming over, taking Butch’s lighter from him before offering a cigarette to Kitty.

“Can we assume you’re not above smokes anymore either then?” He continued  
  
  
He offered a half smile as if testing her; she really must’ve become an unknown to them since they were actually giving her the time of day. Kitty took the cigarette apprehensively, that thing hadn’t changed about her and she had still never tried one of those. Still, she felt curious what the big deal was about them.  
  
  
Her taking it caught Amata’s attention too and she offered a light smile to her as if silently assuring her there was no pressure. Wally lit his own cigarette, took a drag and then offered the lighter to her.  
  
  
“How do I even do this?”  
  
  
She stuttered just loud enough for them to hear.  
  
  
Butch chuckled at that

“You just light it and breathe it in nosebleed, it’s not rocket science.”  
  
She took a drag and did her best not to cough, it actually _hurt_ to breathe it in, why did they do this to themselves. Butch seemed to have read her mind offering her an uncharacteristically sympathetic smile.  
  
“It hurts in the beginning but once you get used to it, it helps you relax, you look skittish enough to need it Kitty Kat.”

He muttered and took a drag from his own cigarette.  
  
It felt unfamiliar having any of the tunnel snakes call her by that nickname.  
  
When they were kids (before the boys lost their minds and became jerks that was) everyone called her Kitty Kat. After that only Amata called her by that name. Hearing his voice saying her name did things to her that she hated herself for as soon as she recognized them. Had she lost her mind or was she honest to god attracted to Butch Deloria?  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted by Amata taking her cigarette, taking a drag of it herself and replacing it with the drink she had prepared. So Amata had smoked before? What else had she tried that Kitty didn’t know about.

Kitty looked at the purple liquid and raised an eyebrow at her friend ”What did you make me?”  
  
"It’s just some mutfruitjuice mixed with vodka, it isn’t the most delicious drink but I know how you like sweet things."  
  
_How did she know that it wasn’t delicious?_  
  
She had made herself the same drink and took a sip herself as if to show that it wasn’t poisonous.  
  
_How did she know it wasn’t poisonous?_  
  
Why did it feel like a stab in her chest that she hadn’t know about this before now? Kitty felt as if all eyes were on her, she had never had a drink before and she suspected that everyone present were fully aware of that. She didn’t feel pressured per say, more like an oddity being sized up by amazed onlookers.

She couldn’t help but wonder if all of her childhood friends had drinks before? Was she the lone one that hadn’t?

It wouldn’t surprise her. She couldn’t help but hear her father’s voice in the back of her mind as she looked down into her glass.

_Don’t do it honey, just keep your nose down and do your work. Your mother would’ve been disappointed if she knew you were doing this._

Somehow the fact that she knew that’s what he would think made her drink the whole thing as quickly as she was able, he had left her so he would have no say in how she lived her life from here on out.  
  
It tasted vile but she couldn’t spit it out, she wasn’t going to give those tunnel snakes the satisfaction of seeing her embarrass herself. She heard a wolf whistle, but it sounded as if it was far away as she willed herself to swallow, closing her eyes as hard as she could as if that would make the taste any better. She felt a strong hand pat her back firmly as she coughed and then she heard Butch’s laugh  
  
“Not bad Kitty Kat, but maybe you should take it easy with that so I won’t have to carry you all the way home.”  
  
Butch voice brought her back down to reality, looking up at him she realized he was now closer to her, looking her in the eyes. She felt her pulse speed up slightly, he was _too_ close.

 

Things got easier from there on, the others caught her up on the things she’d missed in the year. They were treating her much friendlier than she had remembered. Paul and Christine were now a couple, they all seemed to feel sympathetic regarding her dad leaving and how the overseer had secluded her to herself for so long. Not that all of them had become the picture of kindness or anything but the tunnel snakes had only ever harassed her before now and the rest of them she rarely talked to so any kindness from them at all was a welcome change.  
  
They had grown up together after all, known eachother since they were babies, so in some small way they felt connected, if only a little bit.

  
The alcohol probably also stood for a lot of the niceties between the gang. The others seemed to have had get togethers during the year so they knew how to handle their alcohol. Kitty got invited to come along from now on since she’d been let back out.

Whether that offer would still be there when they sobered up she couldn’t help but question. It felt weird having them act as if they were all old friends, _could she really trust them?_  
  
After about an hour they had all separated themselves into smaller groups, Christine and Paul were making out in the corner of the couch, Susie seemed to be trying to flirt with Freddie but he was either ignoring it or he was just oblivious. Amata was putting all of her attention into talking to Kitty to distract herself from looking at Freddie, and Butch and Wally had pulled out a deck of cards and seemed to be playing poker.  
  
They had pulled out the table from the couch and were sitting across from eachother on the floor with the couchtable between them.  
  
Suddenly Butch seemed to get an idea “hey nosebleed, you ever play cards?”  
  
Kitty looked up, silently angry at herself for responding to that name but dulled enough by the alcohol to talk more casually.

“Yeah but I only know how to play go fish.”  
  
Wally let out a loud snort

“Isn’t that what old people play?”  
  
Kitty felt a pang of sadness, not because she was offended but because she remembered Agnes. She had used to play with her every so often.  
  
Butch grinned

“You wanna learn? Im gonna have to warn you though, me and Wally are playing a special version.”  
  
Kitty couldn’t help but get curious.  
  
"What kind of version?" She asked  
  
"Well every player gets dealt two cards, the one with the lowest cards has to do a dare."  
  
"What if you refuse?"

Kitty asked, brows raised  
  
"You’re getting scared already Kitty Kat?"

Butch grinned at her.  
  
"No, just curious. There’s usually always a penalty for that kind of thing, otherwise it’s no fun right?"  
  
"Well usually what me and Wally does is that if you chicken out of the dare, you’re automatically gonna have to give whatever one thing the one who dared you asks for that you’re able to give."  
  
"You can’t ask for a murder or nothin’ crazy like that but pretty much anything that’s considered reasonable by the other players." Wally chimed in.  
  
"Yeah so if there’s only two players you’re screwed because there’s only one person there to decide if its reasonable or not."

Butch said with a sadistic look on his face, _Kitty knew right then and there she would never play against Butch alone._  
  
Spurred on by the buzz of the alcohol both Kitty and Amata decided to join in, sitting down next to eachother facing the couch. After all, if they both played they could protect eachother if one of them refused a dare.  
  
Playing would also present an opportunity; they could mess with the tunnel snakes at their own game.

The others decided to join them, this game was apparently one Stevie had come up with to get out of doing his chores as a kid. Beating Wally at it again and again, making sure he didn’t have to do dishes for close to a year before Wally finally caught on that he was cheating.

Kitty had laughed when he’d told them and it was so typical of Wally to take close to a year before finally catching on.  
She even said as much eliciting a loud laugh from Butch and embarrassed mumbles from Wally, she could see his ears turn red and she found it somewhat endearing.  
  
The mood had gotten pretty relaxed, everyone was getting buzzed. All the lights had been turned off apart from a standing one in the corner, giving the room a cozy, dark feel. The room smelled of smoke and the music played low in the background. Kitty felt for the first time in months that she was having fun.  
  
At first the dares were innocent enough, Freddie had to write an anonymous love letter to Stanley and pin it to his door, Susie had to take a shot of scotch and hot sauce, almost throwing up in the process, and Paul had to ding dong ditch the overseer. As the game progressed a new rule was instated, they would switch up who dealt the cards and that person had to decide the dare for the loser instead of the group deciding as a whole.

It was all fun and innocent until suddenly Wally _had_ to go and make it weird, daring Christine to kiss Freddie. She did but all the while Amata, Susie and Paul were glaring daggers at them. Wally and Butch thought it was hilarious however.

Now Kitty felt like she could recognize them alright.  
  
Then it was Paul’s turn to deal and you could tell he was angry. So when Butch got the losing hand he saw an opportunity that took Kitty right back to their schoolyears.  
  
“Kiss nosebleed”  
  
Feeling a sudden lump form in her throat, she felt herself getting flashbacks to when a mysterious list of “the prettiest girls in the vault” from an unkown source was found back in 6th grade and “nosebleed” was scribbled at the very bottom. She wanted to sink through the floor, why had she even agreed to come.  
  
She heard Amata protesting “That’s not fair! She hasn’t even had her first kiss yet!”  
  
_Fuck, fuck, fuck, Amata had just made things even worse in her attempt to help. It was a vault, sure, so if she hadn’t kissed anyone in this room chances were that she hadn’t kissed anyone at all. But it never helped stating such things to a whole room._  
  
Kitty contemplated different ways she could escape and never see the other inhabitants again for the rest of her life. She should’ve just followed her dad while she had the chance. She could’ve become a lone wanderer of legend and died in some heroic way that would save the world.  
  
Her wallowing was abrupted by Christine defending Paul: I had to kiss Freddie and I have a boyfriend! If she’s gonna play then there can’t be any special treatments!  
  
"She could just refuse, but then I guess Butch would be the one to decide what she would have to give in return."

Wally said looking so fucking pleased with himself.  
  
"Your chickening out Kitty Kat?"  
  
Butch gave her his signature grin, but there was something different about it. Like he felt uncertain himself but wasn’t quite willing to back down.  
  
Kitty felt more surprised that he himself wasn’t actively protesting. Had he kissed anyone before? There were only so many girls available and she was sure Amata hadn’t kissed him or she would’ve been told.

Why wasn’t he objecting more? Was this a test? Would he actually go through with it? But did she really want to risk her first kiss being with Butch to find out?

Then again it was either going to be him or one of the other guys in this room. Unless she’d try to go for Stevie but he always struck her as someone you wouldn’t want to be around for too long for your own sake. Was her first kiss a big deal to her?  
  
She didn’t have much time to think things over so she decided to just call his bluff and see what would happen.  
  
“I’m not about to chicken out Deloria, are you?”  
  
He looked honestly shocked, so did everyone else, except for Paul that seemed like he was just happy to be getting his payback and Wally that had just realized he had an extra cigarette left.  
  
It was quiet for a while, all eyes turned to Butch, Kitty felt victorious, and she suddenly felt like she had the upper hand. She was challenging him finally, even if this might not have been how she would’ve imagined it going.  
She felt cocky and grinned at him, which seemed to set him into action.  
  
“Like hell Butch Deloria chickens out” he growled and stood up to walk over to sit beside her.  
  
Now she felt panic strike in, _what the fuck is he doing, this was not what he was supposed to do_.

He pulled her close and pressed his lips to hers. She shut her eyes hard as if in selfdefense, his lips were soft, she could smell the leather of his jacket, his pomade and cigarette smoke. She was appalled to realize that she didn’t hate it, the kiss was chaste at first but then he opened his mouth and her reflexes must have took over (or so she told herself) because she opened her mouth to allow him access.  
  
Oh god he was pressing her closer, his tongue was entwining with hers and she could taste the whiskey on his tongue. Feel the warmth from his chest; she lifted her hand to grab ahold of his collar, trying to somehow steady herself.

_What the fuck was she doing, this was Butch Deloria for fucks sake._

Suddenly feeling hot and tingly in her lower stomach she was broken out of her trance as she heard Wally’s wolf whistling from close by.  
  
She broke their kiss and looked down embarrassed, wondering if what had just happened was real or if she was dreaming. She lifted her gaze and saw Butch grinning at her.  
  
He pulled her close again to whisper in her ear “you taste real sweet Kitty Kat.”

Then he went back to his seat and left her feeling a lot colder, but somehow incredibly hot at the same time.  
  
She looked to her side at Amata that had a front row seat to the whole thing; she looked as if her chin might fall off. Kitty looked down into her lap, her cheeks feeling like they would catch on fire.

Christine scoffed at the situation and exclaimed

“See that went just fine, you were worried about nothing Amata.”

Wally mumbled from beside her with a ridiculous grin plastered on his face

“No one told you that you had to use tongue though.”

 

Things felt like a bit of a blur for a while after that, she had had her first kiss and even though it wasn’t what she had expected she was surprised at herself that she didn’t feel like she really regretted it either.

She felt a sort of sick pleasure when she later noticed that Butch had some of her lipstick residue on his lips. She felt like this was the first decision where she hadn’t considered what her father would think if he were to find out and that sense of freedom made her soar.

Her giddiness distracted her to the point where she didn’t even notice Stevie entering the living room to retrieve something, and as he was about to leave again taking notice of her.  
  
"Andersson? You sure that drinking is allowed so close after your suspension?"  
  
He looked as if he was in a mood and she didn’t want to rouse him. The overseer had given her the go ahead to act on as usual, but then again before her father had left she didn’t do much. So the word usual might have been meant to be subjective. After all she wouldn’t put it past him to add strange terms to the deal without notifying her.  
  
"Lay off Stevie, the old man gave nosebleed free range of the cage. Let her enjoy her captivity with the rest of us."  
  
Butch Grumbled as he poured himself another drink.  
  
"You say that Deloria, but you know as well as I do that if she’s breaking any rules here and I just walk away then it’s gonna be both of our asses on the line."  
  
Amata gave Kitty a sympathetic look, she probably wanted to defend her but they both knew Amata’s dad wasn’t exactly the type to let things go.

  
She let out a sigh; he did have a point, a frustrating and unfair point, but a point nonetheless. If she refused to come with he might just tell the overseer and if he was in the right mood her suspension would continue for longer.  
  
"Oh come on man don’t be like that, you can just act like you never saw her." Wally chimed in.  
  
"No, its okay guys, thanks for trying though. I’ll come with you Stevie if that’s what you want."  
  
Kitty didn’t want to get the guys in trouble along with her. They had been nice to her for the first time in ages; she didn’t want them to have to suffer for it.  
  
"I’m real sorry about this Kitty but it’s for the best." Stevie said offering a quick strained smiled and gestured for her to follow.

  
  
They had walked up the stairs towards the atrium when Stevie suddenly stopped and turned around, leaning against the wall.  
  
"Why are you stopping…?" Kitty asked looking up at him.  
  
He turned to look her in the eyes as he crossed his arms.  
  
"What if I offered to keep my mouth shut about what I saw here tonight Kitty?"  
  
"What? But why?"  
  
_And why did he wait until now to tell her._  
  
"Come on now girlie, you’re the doc’s daughter, use that big brain of yours and you’ll probably figure it out."  
  
She was stumped, did he want meds? Was he some kind of drug dealer now?  
  
"I suppose you want a prescription? But as you can probably guess the med-x is rationed and the overseer is real particular about who and why anyone gets administered."  
  
He threw his head back and laughed at that. As he looked back at her he had another look on his face that she couldn’t quite place. It was almost like the kind of look Butch had had when she discovered the gum in her hair.

As if he actually started to believe her confusion he moved closer, locking her in against the wall with his much taller body as she tried to back away.  
  
"You know it’s awful beneficial to have a guard on your side, especially one with my last name."  
  
"Quit the riddles and spit it out Stevie I’ve had enough games for a lifetime." She was getting annoyed now.  
  
"I saw what you suddenly let Deloria get away with, how about you give me a piece of that action." His eyes fell to her body as he said the last part. Looking her over like he wanted to eat her up.  
  
"Why?" Was all she could think to ask.  
  
"You’ve gotten real pretty Andersson, you’re looking tighter than you used to, but somehow fuller in the right places at the same time. Never noticed it before but you’ve got a real nice face on ya too and if I’m to believe your little friend Amata, Deloria got to be your first kiss just cuz of a game. So I can only imagine what you might let me get away with since I can actually offer you something in return."  
  
He let one of his hands trail along her hip as if proving a point. He must’ve eavesdropped on them, what a fucking creep. She felt her blood boil; of course this fucker would interpret what happened as a free for all insecurity buffet.  
  
"Go to hell Mack, you’ve got it all wrong." She sputtered as she smacked the hand he had used to touch her before putting her hands into fists at her sides.  
  
"Oh really? So you like it when Deloria pounds on you for years and then gets frisky but when I put forward a mutually beneficial offer I’m suddenly the bad guy?"  
  
He moved himself closer, taking a firm grip on her wrist as his face leaned in on hers.  
  
"You know if you say no I could just turn the tables and tell the overseer that I think I saw you use some jet while I’m at it. That could make sure you got suspended for another few years or so, wouldn’t be too hard for me girlie. Then I could tell my dad that maybe I could be the one to make the surprise visits to your place from now on, to see if you’re behaving or not."  
  
She felt something snap inside of her, this fucker had a lot of nerve. But he had sorely underestimated her if he thought this bullshit manipulation would make her spread her legs for him. She had laid low and played by the rules her whole life and this fucker wasn’t going to make her go from being under one man’s thumb only to land under his. She looked back up at him, fire in her eyes.  
  
"Oh yeah? Then you better make sure you never end up in the clinic **Mack**. You’d do best to remember why it is the overseer has to keep me around. I’m the only one left in this vault with medical training and I know how to do damage in a way that can’t be traced back to me."  
  
He fell back a little; he apparently hadn’t expected her to fight back. She took a firm hold of his collar, pulling him down so that they were close enough that she could whisper to him.  
  
"Now I fucking suggest you forget you saw or said anything and I’ll do the same. Can we agree on that?"  
  
He nodded shakily, oh fuck she felt tingly looking at that suddenly fearful look in his eyes. The surge of power she felt was like a high. She let go of his collar and went back in the way of her home, if she went back to the party she would probably get questions and she was in no mood for that.

  
  
She had walked back around the corner from where they came when she felt a strong hand tugging on her arm. _This guy doesn’t know when to quit._ She thought and put her hand out as she turned around, resulting in a loud slap.  
  
"Shit nosebleed!"  
  
_Oh fuck that wasn’t Stevie._  
  
"Butch?! What are you doing here?"  
  
"Knew you couldn’t trust Stevie, but damn Kitty Kat have you always been this feisty?"  
  
He was rubbing his cheek, it looked awful red and she felt a surge of pride. He might not have deserved it right then and there but she figured she owed him a few. _But hold on why he was suddenly interested in her wellbeing._  
  
"How much did you hear?" She lowered her voice slightly, closing her eyes into slits.  
  
"Well when I turned around to this corner I heard the fucker trying something, I was just about to whack him, but damn nosebleed, you’re a psycho."  
  
He lifted the hand he wasn’t pressing to his face showing that he was wielding his switchblade. She almost felt touched; he was like her meatheaded knight in shining armor.  
  
"My hero." She purred and tried to mimic his shit eating grin.  
  
 "Hey, anything for my best gal!"


	4. Chasing thrills and sorting patientfiles

He had insisted on walking her home even though she was technically the one to save herself. She didn’t mind his company though, after Stevie’s advances Butch seemed downright charming in comparison and she didn’t want to be alone in the hallways if Stevie decided to try for round two.  
  
”Hey how come you’ve let your hair grow out Kitty Kat? I could’ve chopped it right back to that weird mop you seemed to love so much before if you wanted me to.”  
  
”I wasn’t about to let your hands near my mop ever again after what you did.”  
  
She said and punched him in the arm.  
  
”Oh come on nosebleed that was like…”  
  
He was counting on his fingers as he thought back.

"Goddamn we’re old, I can’t even remember when that was." He sighed and gave up.  
  
”Speak for yourself!” She laughed  
  
”Hey you better respect your elders nosebleed!”  
  
He pulled on her hair lightly as if to prove his point.  
  
”You’re only 6 months older than me Butch!”  
  
She squealed and chased after his hand with hers as he let go.  
  
”Yeah but it’s still a different year so I’m your elder and you better show me the respect I deserve.”  
  
He walked a bit ahead of her to try to avoid her hands.  
  
”I thought that was what I was doing.”  
  
She smacked the back of his head and ran away from him as fast as she could, gunning it for her apartment.  
  
”You’re dead meat pipsqueak!”  
  
She heard from behind her as she reached her door and fumbled with her keys. She put the key in the lock and just as she was about to twist it she felt his hand grabbing over hers, stilling her from moving it.  
  
”Let me go Butch, don’t be a sore loser!”  
  
She squirmed and turned around to face him, her one hand still trapped under his.  
  
”Doesn’t count as a loss if I catch you nosebleed.”  
  
He laughed and then panted slightly from the sprint.  
  
They were pressed close, his hands on either sides of her with her side against the door. She suddenly became acutely aware of how warm he was, relishing in his scent filling her nostrils again. Her eyes met his and she felt her pulse quicken, had his eyes always been this blue? They contrasted beautifully against his tan skin and how the fuck did he manage to have tan skin in a vault to begin with? While she was distracted he yanked her keys out from her hand and let go of her, backing away and dangling them above her head.  
  
”Well, well, well, history has a way of repeating itself hasn’t it nosebleed.”  
  
Her frustration ripped her from her daydreaming and spurred her into action.  
  
”Give them back Butch!”  
  
”Or what?”  
  
He lowered his head closer to her, his signature grin plastered over his face.  
  
She got an idea then, she closed their distance further, putting her one hand on his chest and looking up at him. Wow, he was tall, he must’ve been about 6 feet tall, towering over her small 5 foot 3 frame.  
  
”How about I make it worth your while?”  
  
He raised his eyebrow, maintaining his grin but somehow it became more suggestive.  
  
”I knew you wouldn’t be able to get enough of the Butch man, one taste just isn’t enough for you gals.”  
  
She saw red at the fact that this fucker had used the word “gals” and kicked him in the shin, making him drop the keys.  
  
”Go soak your head Butch!”  
  
He crouched down; she must’ve got him good. She dropped down to pick the keys up and she wasted no time shoving the key back in the lock and twisting it. The door slid up allowing her access and just as she was about to bolt a hand grabbed a hold of her ankle, pulling her down to fall on her face.  
  
”Fuck!”  
  
She exclaimed as she managed to flail her arms out to cushion the fall slightly.  
  
”You’re not getting away from me that easily nosebleed!”  
  
He crawled over her and stood on all fours above her, pinning all of her limbs down with his.  
  
”Who’s the loser now!”  
  
They were both panting from their struggles now, it was just like when they were kids. She started laughing, she was trapped, still a little buzzed and it just felt so ridiculous all of it.  
  
”What’s so funny? Is this you going mad cuz you know this is the end for you? If so I can’t say I blame you pipsqueak.”  
  
”It’s just like when we were kids is all.”  
  
She mumbled into the floor, the cold steel feeling nice against her hot face.  
  
”Nah, back then I wasn’t enjoying the view this much, it really is something, seeing you fall on your face… When you’ve got a skirt on no less.”  
  
He purred and gave her a playful slap on her ass.  
  
She whined and then as she realized what she’d done she felt her face become even hotter.  
  
”A sound like that almost makes the bruise I’m bound to get on my leg tomorrow worth it Kitty Kat.”  
  
He flipped her over, pinning her down all over again, but they were face to face now. His hair looked disheveled now, making her thoughts all the more suggestive. Her eyes were drawn to his lips then.  
  
”You’ve still got some of my lipstick on. : She purred.”  
  
”Yeah? The color probably looks nicer on me anyway.”

He snorted but she could tell his smile had turned softer.

“Better give me a touchup soon, can’t be seen without my lipstick after all.” He smirked, looking so damn proud of himself.

She let out a small giggle and bit her lower lip.  
  
”All I have left of it is what’s on my lips.”  
  
She licked from the corner of her mouth over her top lip suggestively, as he let out a hoarse chuckle.  
  
”Well why you didn’t just say so, sharing is caring after all.” He mumbled as he sealed her lips with his.  
  
She was the one to open her mouth first this time, eager to feel his soft tongue against hers, he was quick to comply and soon it was hard for her to tell which one was hers. Her stomach felt as if it was burning, she had never felt this when reading one of her books. She put her arms around his neck to pull him closer. She could feel his chuckle as a rumble through her body, he sank down to steady himself on his elbow and used his other hand to trace up her thigh.  
She lost herself to the sensation of him above her, but she knew deep down that she wasn’t about to let all of her hinges loose with him tonight. Kissing and having him close felt like a high, but she didn’t want to go too far too soon.  
  
”I need to go to bed.” She whispered as he peppered kisses along her neck.  
  
”Sure thing Kitty Kat, wouldn’t want you to have an accident during your workhours because of a lack of sleep. But damn if it aint tempting.”  
  
He chuckled and stroked along her side as he pulled himself back to look her in the eyes and stroked her skirt that had bunched up a little down along her sides so she was covered again. Feeling his hands so close to where her primal instincts wanted him to go made her purr. But she knew she had to pull back to make sure she didn’t make any rash decisions.  
  
She didn’t know what kind of guy Butch was in relations to girls, but she knew she wasn’t in the headspace yet to find out.  
He stood up and offered her a hand so she could follow, as she stood up she felt like her knees had turned to jelly and he had to pull her close again for her not to topple over. He chuckled but didn’t say anything about her slip up.  
  
”Night Kat, sleep tight.”  
  
”Night Butch, hope I don’t see you during workhours tomorrow.” She laughed.  
  
”Nah doc, but then again this shin of mine might bruise up something fierce, might need medical attention.”  
  
She pulled him closer for a final kiss and said in an uncharacteristically husky voice “Walk it off.”

After which she turned and went back inside, leaving him outside. She closed the door behind her and sank down to the floor with her back against the cold door, feeling her heartbeat slow down somewhat.

She didn’t feel like herself, but at the same time more like herself than she ever had. The vault had always felt more like a trap than home, but tonight she felt like she was a part of a group of friends rather than an outsider. Maybe it had just been for tonight, there was nothing to say that tomorrow things were back to how they had been in school, but for now she just let the ecstasy of feeling like she belonged take over her.

 

 

* * *

  
 

The next day in the clinic felt lighter, like she wasn’t just sitting around but rather feeling like she might contribute to the community.

Stanley had come in for his usual checkup which was required regularly for the older vault residents, while she had measured his blood pressure he had made small talk about a secret admirer letter and seemed to be flustered and bothered by it. She had assured him that if he didn’t feel for any specific vault residents he could let them down gently if they ever made themselves known and that seemed to calm him down somewhat.

Apart from that it was just a day like any other, but with the added excitement of remembering the night before.  
Just as she was about to finish up for the day there was a knock on the door.  
  
”Come on in!”  
  
She shouted to the door.

The door slid open and she heard Amatas voice “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do Kitty Kat!”

  
Kitty chuckled as she sorted down Stanley’s file into the cabinet and then sat back up in her office chair.  
  
”Oh no have I misbehaved?”  
  
”Yes indeed you have, you have failed to run to your best friend to tell her where you went and why my father doesn’t know anything about last night! I was half expecting a lecturing but he was unbothered and that freaks me out! Either he knows everything and is testing me to see if I will confess on my own or Stevie didn’t report you like he said he would in which case I want to know why!”  
  
Amata had went up to Kitty and now stood behind her with her hands on her hips as if lecturing her friend, but with a facial expression that screamed of curiosity and mischievousness.  
  
”He didn’t turn me in and let me just tell you Amata, you should never let yourself be alone with him. Warn any girls you can, that guy is bad news.” She muttered.  
  
Kitty must’ve underestimated her friend’s protectiveness because she was startled when she felt Amatas hands on her shoulders turning her around to face her friend.  
  
”You better start talking before I fly off the lid because that sounds a lot like he hurt you.”  
  
”Oh no, no, Amata don’t get me wrong! If he had hurt me you wouldn’t have been the one to come to me, I would’ve come running straight to you.”  
  
”You damn well better! Now you start telling me what happened before I go club him to death!”

  
  
Kitty retold the events of the previous night in regards to Stevie and saw her friend’s face go from a sickly pale to an angry red.  
  
”That fucker!”  
  
”I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use that word before Amata.”  
  
”Well then this is a perfect opportunity for being the first time, he can’t get away with that. He basically threatened to rape you!”  
  
”Well that’s one of the few perks about living in a vault and being the only doctor. If he tries to do anything to me he needs to stay healthy until he dies.”  
  
”Yes but if he can do that to you then he for sure can do it to other girls.”  
  
”Yeah I thought the same thing. But then again how many girls CAN he try that with?”  
  
”That’s no excuse Kitty.”  
  
”I am aware, but you know as well as I do that it’s hard to report these types of things and also it’s his word against mine. All I can hope to do is warn as many as I can.”  
  
”You’re right I suppose.” Amata sighed and sat down on the desk.  
  
”Trust me if I could do more I would.”  
  
Kitty said and put a hand on her friends knee.  
  
”Atleast tell me that was the end of your night and you came home safely and then I can go on to spread the word.”  
  
”Well… It was the end of the night as far as unwanted advances went.”  
  
”But not _wanted_ advances?” Amata grinned as if she already had an inkling of what had happened.  
  
”Did he tell people?!” Kitty exclaimed feeling concerned, was Butch the type to brag?  
  
”I can only guess who “he” is but no he didn’t, atleast not as far as I’m aware. I just know your tells enough to know that if nothing more happened that would be end of the story. But you better tell me right now if the he I think you’re referring to paid you a visit, because having front row seats to what you did in front of other people makes me wonder what it is you’re holding out on me.”

  
And so Kitty retold without adding too many details what had happened after Stevie was removed from the picture.  
  
”Oh my god.”  
  
”I know right? He acted like he was used to… “things” should I have held back?”  
  
”Well as far as I know he’s not anymore experienced than you, but if he had more experience it would be with Susie and we may be friends but I’m not sure she would tell me if she made out with Butch.”  
  
”Yeah, that’s another pro of living with a limited amount of people I suppose, there are only so many he could’ve tried things out with.”  
  
”Well I suppose he could’ve tried things out with another guy.”

”Yeah but that would most likely make things awkward considering those guys seem to hang out every day.”  
  
”Might make things easier also if you think about it.”  
  
”I suppose.”  
  
After a moment of silence between the two friends Amata said In a more hushed voice "Don’t you think it’s strange though?"  
  
”What is?”  
  
Kitty raised an eyebrow and leaned her chin on her hands.  
  
”Well no offense Kitty but he hasn’t exactly been too fond of you before. He seemed to go after you especially back in school, sure the other tunnel snakes weren’t exactly nice either but Butch in particular was kind of vicious to you.”  
  
It hit her like a ton of bricks then, how had it been so easy for her to forget. She had been terrified of seeing him that night for that exact reason, but then she had ended up making out with him as well as…  
Her sudden dread was interrupted by Amata’s concerned voice.

”It’s not as if I’m judging you Kitty, if anyone deserves to let loose a little it’s you. But are you sure you know what you’re doing is all I’m wondering.”  
  
”I don’t understand how I could forget all of that.”  
  
”Well in your defense he may be a douche but I think I would be able to forget my own name if he fixed those eyes on me long enough.”  
  
Kitty punched her friend in the arm playfully and laughed.  
  
”Sorry Kitty, I suppose you’ve called dibs on him now and it’s not like I’ve ever thought of him that way. But as I said I had first row seats last night and I think I caught some second hand inebriation from just watching that.”  
  
”I do not have _dibs_ , besides isn’t Freddie the one that’s considered your one true love at this point?”  
  
”Yeah but I haven’t had your luck in finding a guy that doesn’t have Susie following him around.”

  
The two friends chatted on for a while more before they went their separate ways to go back home.

Kitty couldn’t stop thinking about what Amata had said though, why was Butch suddenly nice? She may have gotten prettier but was that all it took for him to do a 180 like this?

Should she try to back off from him from here on out, or maybe she should confront him? But without the added courage of the alcohol she didn't know if she should just leave it be. She felt scared, what if it had just been a one-time thing and her seeking him out would be strange and make him go back to how he had been before. She decided to leave it be for now, she didn't feel the need to rush herself and also she wanted to just feel happy for a while without overthinking it.


	5. Broken homes, broken hearts

Kitty didn’t get to live in peaceful ignorance for long, as the days went on and she had her usual uneventful workdays pass by she started to get annoyed.  
She hadn’t seen Butch since the party and she was feeling frustrated. Had she just been a toy to him? Maybe he was just caught up in the moment and didn’t actually care about her.  
  
That would make sense she thought, he was a guy so he could get away with stuff like that without being called a slut.  
Maybe the fact that they played the game was just what had spurred him on to see how far she would let him go. She didn’t even see a way for her to find out being cooped up in the clinic all day.  
  
Her prayers were answered for once though when Amata revealed the secret as to why and where she had tried alcohol before. “The usual gang makes a point of getting together around once a week. Susie’s birthday party was one of the few occasions where it was more out in the open. Other times we just find a room that’s empty and settle down there for the night. Since Wally and Susie are there their dad makes sure to quiet the other guards down if they stumble upon us.”

Kitty had asked why this was the first she’d heard of this, but Amata assured her that as far as she knew they had only been doing these get-togethers for around 6 months or so and since Kitty was limited in where she went she wouldn’t have been any happier to know about it.

Kitty couldn’t help but feel jealous that her friend hung out with the others without telling her but since her friend had told her now that she could attend made her feel better.

Amata said that she had asked the others how they felt about Kitty being in on their outings and they had all agreed to make her a part of them from now on. That made Kitty feel giddier, if Amata was the one to bring her these news she didn’t feel as suspicious. Amata informed her that the next get together would be this weekend, but they hadn’t decided on where yet.

Friday came around and the gang had finally decided on meeting in the classroom of all places. Since there weren’t all too many vault residents that were school-aged it seemed like a space where it was very unlikely for anyone to go on a Friday night.

It felt ironic considering she had felt such dread in that same room for so many years, but also fitting considering this room would now be the place of Kitty finding a place among her peers.

  
Her and Amata hadn’t met beforehand this time since Amata was working late, Kitty never knew what Amata’s exact role inside the supervision was, but she trusted her friend to know to prioritize when it came to work so she didn’t think too hard on it.

Kitty had since the last party gotten ahold of her own variety of makeup, but she felt unsure as to if she would be able to apply it as well as her friend had. She did her best and felt happy with the result as she realized to her great dread that she didn’t know what she was supposed to wear.

  
“Last time we were supposed to wear dresses, would that still apply this time?” She mumbled to herself as she looked through her limited wardrobe.

  
There was her regular old vault suit which would prove a safe bet, but maybe she would be underdressed if it was an unspoken rule that she hadn’t been let in on that they always wore dresses.

Her sudden dread made her yearn for the guidance from her friend. She had a dress of her own from her one time of shopping dreamingly after reading a novel about a man-eater living in a city in a country called “Italy” whatever that meant.

  
The dress was a fiery red with short sleeves hanging off the shoulders and a flowy short skirt. She stood for a while looking at it and then back to her vault suit wondering what she should do. It felt like her regular old self to turn to the safe bet and put on the vault suit.

  
Atleast she wouldn’t stand out, but then she realized that was the old Kitty’s way of thinking, wasn’t she supposed to be living for herself now? With a new feeling of adrenaline rushing through her she put on the dress and paired it with a pair black kitten heels. She looked at herself in the mirror with her painted red lips, cat eyeliner and she felt herself blush. This was one of the few times in her life she actually felt beautiful. She looked bolder than she actually was and that added to her confidence.

  
She stepped out of her apartment knowing that if she stayed for longer she would reach for that vaultsuit before long.  
  
As she stepped out the door she heard another door open, _Deloria._  
Their apartments were wall to wall, of course they would be bound to run into eachother from time to time, but why now of all times when she hadn’t peptalked herself up to accept the bolder of her given choices.  
She heard him walking out and then she heard the flicking of a lighter. She still hadn’t left her doorway fully out of fear for what their first fully sober conversation might be like. But she sucked in a breath of air and told herself she was in control and then she took a few firm steps out, fully intending to ignore him. But then she heard him whistle behind her.  
She turned around to face him, a sour expression prepared on her face, but then his magic worked his way over her and her mouth fell open.  
  
”Looking good nosebleed.”  
  
She felt fury bubble up inside of her at his familiar greeting and closed her mouth shut as she realized her error.  
  
”Deloria.”  
  
”You look awfully dressed up, going somewhere special?”  
  
”Nah, since you’re bound to be there it can’t be too special.”

She said sourly and immediately felt a pang of regret. He hadn’t done anything as of yet to anger her apart from not visiting her.  
  
He made a low chuckle that somehow vibrated through her. Her courage was an act, but she didn’t want him to see through her.  
  
”You wound me Cathy, am I not special to you?”  
  
She felt angry at this new nickname, it felt too much like a reminder of her mother. But also it felt intimate, like he had gone down through her emotions and found a sore spot to use against her.  
  
”You didn’t try to seek me out after the last time, am I wrong in assuming we were a one time off?”  
  
He gave her a look she couldn’t place, like he was concerned but then let his expression go back to one of confidence.  
  
”Whatever you say nosebleed.”  
  
She felt a pang of hurt go through her, so she had been right after all. It had just been a way for him to pass time.  
  
”I’ll see you there.”

She said, trying to sound as composed as she could before she stormed off. She felt tears prickle behind her eyes and she couldn’t fully understand why. This was Butch Deloria after all, why had she expected anything more from him she couldn’t understand.

 

Butch had never been one to allow his feelings to show through, as long as he could remember he had the sensation that feelings of any sort were shameful. Before he had left to go to the party he had gone through his usual routine, he combed through his hair and put on his leather jacket.

It made him feel like someone, like he wasn’t just some insecure boy anymore. He was a tunnel snake and one day he would find his way outside of this vault so he could form the gang on a big scale.

Yeah, he would show the world who he was then. His thoughtprocess was interrupted by his mother’s coughing from the other room.

  
\- Butchie, momma needs help to get to the bathroom again.

  
He sighed and felt the familiar feeling of helplessness overcome him. He loved his mother, she was all he had, but she was a danger to herself and since he was about 8 he had been her guardian instead of the other way around. He went out of his room to escort her to the bathroom where she hurled into the toilet.

He stroked along her back, holding back the urge to gag as he felt the acidic yet familiar smell of vomit fill his nostrils.  
  
”Im sorry Butchie, you deserve so much better than me.”  
  
”It’s fine ma, just let it out and you’ll feel better in the morning alright?”  
  
”My baby boy.”

She lifted her gaze to meet his and put her hand to his cheek to stroke it. Her eyes looked sunken in and her skin looked a sickly shade of pale. He felt the whiff of her breath hit him and he had to discreetly cover his nose to stand it.  
  
”That doc, he told me I can’t take care of ya. But you turned out alright didn’t you.”  
  
”I guess so ma.”  
  
”You’ve grown so big, he said I wasn’t feeding you enough but you’re just as tall as your dad.”  
  
He felt a lump form in his throat. She rarely ever spoke of his dad and he knew not to ask, she would drink especially much when he was in her thoughts.  
  
”Hey ma, maybe you should stop for tonight.”  
  
She slapped him then.  
  
”You better not talk to me as if you’re the parent Butchie, I’m still your mother and Im the one that by right decides what’s best for both of us.”  
  
”Yes ma.”  
  
He went back to being that small boy again, the boy beating up on a girl because his mom told him her dad was trying to take him away from her.

But he was conflicted, that same dad had left that girl, all these years he thought she had a parent so much better than the one he had. But then she was the one abandoned, was he the lucky one? He just couldn’t find it within himself to put her down anymore, not to mention how she had made him feel last time they met.  
  
”Hey Butchie, could you be a dear and pick your mommy up some vodka from the commissary. I’m sorry for being so rough on ya but you know how mommy gets when she doesn’t get her drink.”  
  
”Yes ma.”  
  
He knew it didn’t make much of a difference, but he couldn’t deny that this was the version of Ellen Deloria that was easier to handle. She actually showed small windows of love when she was drunk and that was the best he could wish for in this godforsaken vault. He couldn’t let his guard down around anyone else.  
  


Kitty walked uncharacteristically fast towards the classroom, feeling as if she had been stabbed in the chest. She couldn’t understand why she felt like this. It seemed so easy in her novels, when someone kisses someone else it’s clear cut from then on, why couldn’t life be like that. She saw Amata waiting in the distance and to her great dread her friend was wearing her vault suit.  
  
”Hey Kitty! You’re looking dressed up!”  
  
”Please tell me you’re the odd one out and not me.”  
  
”I’m sorry… I should’ve been clearer. The dress thing was a onetime thing.”  
  
Kitty was suddenly grateful for the sorrow Butch had put in her, it took the sting off being the odd one out.  
  
”But hey you look great! You might stand out but it won’t be for a bad reason.”  
  
”Thanks Amata, but I suddenly just feel like I’m trying too hard.”  
  
”I’ll just explain to the others if needed that there was a miscommunication, but I don’t think you’ll have to worry. Being overdressed isn’t a crime and if you’re feeling uncomfortable you can just stay close to me.”  
  
”Thanks Amata, you’re a great friend.”  
  
”I know right? I should get an award or something.” Amata laughed playfully which made Kitty relax somewhat.


	6. Daddy's little girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ive finally figured out this whole posting from word onto here thing so the italics shouldn't be a problem anymore, yay! Thanks to the two of you that left comments, they made me smile, hope you enjoy this new chapter as well!

The gang all gathered in the classroom and pushed the desks towards the walls. Susie had seemed annoyed at Kitty for wearing a dress when she wasn’t. Kitty was of a mind to offer to switch outfits with her just to feel less like she was wearing a big fat target on her back, but she really liked this dress and she suspected she wouldn’t get it back if Susie got her hands on it. The others understood the miscommunication and were kind enough not to make her feel too weird about it, apart from Wally that made a comment on how she should dress this way all the time. Things repeated themselves and they all decided to play games and drink together. This time they wanted to change things up however and played a good ole fashioned game of truth or dare.  
  
”Okay Christine, truth or dare?”

Susie asked sounding giddy.

”Truth!”

It was as if everyone in the room apart from Christine and Susie groaned collectively, god this was boring.  
  
”When did you first have feelings for Paul?”  
  
Kitty felt herself zone out, who really cared at this point, they were together; there was nothing left for them to squeeze juicy details out of.

Of course they were all glad for Christine and Paul but they were old news at this point. She felt her gaze stretch over towards Butch, wondering if he was as bored as she was. He was flipping his lighter open and closed, fidgeting with it as if he was on edge.

He looked up as if noticing her which made her instinctively turn her gaze away, _fuck._ He just caught her staring.  
The game went on like that for a while, it was getting more boring by the second until Wally being the prince of weird that he is decided to shake up the kettle.

”Hey Kitty Kat, truth or dare?”  
  
”I guess dare.”

She spurted out without thinking it through, but when she saw him grin she realized her mistake.  
_Wait, no, not with Wally being the one deciding the dare fuck, fuck, fuck, why did she have to -_  
  
”How about you come sit real close to me for the rest of the evening.”

  
_Wait what?_

  
Butch that was sat next to Wally seemed to have the exact same thought.  
  
”Why are you being such a weirdo Wally?” Butch growled sounding annoyed.  
  
”Oh I’m sorry I thought I was the one deciding the dare. What, are you jealous? You can’t tell me her looking that nice should go without appreciation, and I wanna appreciate her _real_ closely.”

  
Kitty could practically hear Susie gagging from next to her.  
  
”Dude, that sounds gross.”

Freddie murmured.  
  
”Don’t be such a kid Freddie.”

Wally sighed.  
  
Butch looked up with his one eyebrow arched looking questioningly at Kitty. She didn’t really know what to do. Sitting close to Wally seemed innocent enough until he explained his reasoning, it made her wonder just what he was trying to pull. She felt a chill creep up her back when she recalled her experience with his brother.

  
But then again, Butch hadn’t done anything to show that he had any form of serious intentions with her, so maybe she should just try to give Wally the benefit of the doubt? He hadn’t ever gone out of his way to be mean to her specifically so technically he might be the better choice over Butch.

  
It wasn’t as if there were a lot of options with Freddie and Paul both being out of the question.

  
What really annoyed her was that Butch didn’t seem more upset over it.  
  
”Aren’t dares supposed to be something you can just do and then move on from?” Amata asked sounding annoyed.  
  
”Hey we’re all gonna sit here for a while either way, just to change up the seating arrangement isn’t a big ask. If you ask me I’m being real nice about it, just tryina pay her a compliment is all.”  
  
Suddenly all of their focus shifted, they heard the rattling sound of the lock on the door. With the limited time they had before the door slid open they all collectively stuffed away their liquorbottles.  
  
A deep voice rumbled through the classroom just as they had manage to sloppily hide away their things.  
  
”Oh come on there’s an entire vault and you guys choose my classroom?”

It was Brotch, Kitty felt like she was a little girl getting caught hanging out with kids her parents didn’t approve of. He must’ve had a similar feeling because she was like a big red dot that had his eyes zoning in on her before long.

”Kitty? I thought you had been put in some kind of house arrest? Did the overseer finally come to his senses?”  
  
”Yeah… I’ve been out for about a week.”  
  
”Good, good.” He spotted the top of a bottle peeking out from Susie’s bag and his entire demeanor suddenly changed. He looked back at Kitty with a look that made her feel like her heart would drop through the floor, he looked so disappointed.  
  
”I’ve come to expect this from the others, but you surprise me Kitty. I thought you would be one to make better decisions, your father may have left the vault but I’m saddened to see that your values seem to have gone away with him.”

  
She felt her throat clam up and the prickling of tears behind her eyes, Brotch had been like a father figure to her. It felt as if her dad somehow had made it back only to tell her that she was a failure.  
  
”You don’t get to be disappointed in me.” She finally mustered to say in a shivering voice.

“You could’ve visited me in the clinic if you were really worried, I didn’t hear a peep from you during all of those months. You don’t get to tell me that I’ve disappointed you when you didn’t even bother to check in on me.”

  
He looked really angry then, like she had become someone completely different.  
  
”Get out of here, all of you. I won’t report you because I know it won’t do any good but I don’t want to ever find you in here again or I swear to god…”  
  
”Or what?”

She heard Butch growl from behind her. She hadn’t noticed that he had come up to stand behind where she was sitting. She felt his warmth against her back and it brought her back enough to realise she was silently crying.

”Just get out.”

Brotch murmured.  
Kitty felt Butch’s hand grab ahold of hers as he helped her to stand up.  
  
”With pleasure.”

He muttered through his teeth.  
  
  
  
They all gathered up their things and went outside together. Kitty heard the others chatter amongst themselves about how Brotch was being a dick, she wasn’t really listening though. She felt as if her ears were ringing and like she wanted to sink through the earth. She was pulled out of her trance by a strong arm pulling her close to hide her face against his chest.  
  
”Butch?”  
  
”You’re still crying.”

He said in a hushed voice matter of factly.  
  
”He’s never been disappointed in me before…” She mumbled after a while.  
  
”He’s just being a hardass, he will come around.”

Butch assured her while rubbing along her upper back to soothe her.  
  
”I just…”

She didn’t even know how or where to continue, she just felt her sobs come in stronger. His scent made her feel strangely safe and she balled up the bottom of his tshirt in her hand as if to steady herself as she sobbed into his chest.  
  
”Hey Kitty you doing okay?”

She heard Amata whispering in a concerned voice from behind her.  
  
”I think she just needs a moment.”

Butch said reassuringly.  
  
”Since when are you so nice Butch?”

Amata grumbled but her tone was uncharacteristically soft for being aimed at Butch.

“The rest of us are gonna go find somewhere else to stay, are you gonna be okay just the two of you for a while?”  
  
Kitty mumbled out a strangled yes as she as silently as she could muster cried out all of the feelings she had balled up inside for months. Allowing the soothing strokes of Butch’s large hand going in large circles along her back to bring her back to the present.  
  
  
As her sobbing slowly but surely stopped she realized what she was doing, _she was crying against Butch Deloria’s chest_. She felt her face turn red and she didn’t know what to do, should she just let go?  
Could she back off and shake his hand as if saying thanks for being a human handkerchief for me to cry against? Maybe he would slap her shoulder like sure buddy and things would go back to normal?

He must’ve caught on to her embarrassment because she felt a low chuckle rumble through him.

”Wally is a piece of work.” He finally said, sounding strangely pleased.  
  
”Yeah?” She mumbled into his chest, still hiding her face.  
  
”He told me I was an idiot for not visiting you since last time.”  
  
Kitty felt confused, that didn’t sound like the Wally she knew. But in a spurt of honestly she muttered a short “yeah.”  
  
”He threatened to try and steal you from me.”  
  
”I wasn’t aware that I belonged to you. : she sneered.”  
  
They just stood there quietly for a moment before he lowered his head to rest his chin on the top of her head.  
  
”I called dibs.” He finally admitted.


	7. What makes a monster

Butch could still clearly recall that day, Kittys tenth birthday party.  
His mother had been drinking more than usual, back then she could still hold down her job atleast, but she had already started her downhill slope to who she would eventually become.  
He was going to meet Paul and Wally and then they would go to the cafeteria together. Kitty wasn’t anyone he had any particular opinions about back then; she mostly just hung out with Amata.  
  
  
He had gotten dressed and was about to leave when he heard Ellen Delorias small voice ring through the apartment.  
  
”Butchie you know your momma loves you right?”  
  
  She was sitting behind the kitchen table, a glass of vodka poured and ready.  
  
”Love you too ma.”  
  
He went to leave but her voice stopped him in his tracks.  
  
”Come over here for a minute Butchie, momma needs to have a talk with you.”  
  
He wondered what she could want, had she found out about him and Wally stealing smokes from the commissary? He felt a lump form in his throat, better act as natural as possible. He went up to stand in front of her, trying his best to remain eyecontact.  
  
She reached out and put a piece of hair behind his ear, an unusually loving gesture for her. He shuddered, not prepared for the contact.  
  
”I saw that doctor the other day about your examination Butchie.”  
  
He wasn’t sure what she was getting at but he nodded and played along.  
  
”He said you’re showing signs of malnutrition, Butchie, ain’t you eatin enough baby?”  
  
He gulped, he knew that if he answered honestly and told her it was because she rarely brought food home she would punish him. “I guess I need to work on that mom.” He saw her looking pleased and he let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in, he had passed the test.  
  
”You know that doctor just wants to take you away from me Butchie, he wants to steal you away from your mother.”  
  
”Why would he want to do that…?”  
  
”He thinks he’s better than us baby, he and that brat of his. He wants to take you from me because he thinks I’m an unfit parent, that’s how evil he is baby. He wants to take you from the only home you’ve ever known and he wants to make me out to be some kind of monster... Do you think mommy is a monster Butchie?”  
  
He saw her eyes looking glossed over, filling with tears, he felt panic strike him. He didn’t want to see his mom cry, it hurt his heart seeing her sad.  
  
”No mom, you’re not a monster, you’re a great mom, promise.”  
  
Her eyes lit up and she shone him a bright smile and opened her arms for him to come to her and he obliged. She hugged him close and stroked along his hair, he felt his forehead turn wet from her tears.  
  
Her voice broke as she spoke, sounding as if she was making up her mind.  
  
”You can never let him close to you again Butchie, he will try to take you from me.”  
  
He felt protectiveness bubble up inside of him.  
  
”I won’t go to her party ma.”  
  
She separated herself from him, put her hands on his shoulders and looked intently into his eyes.  
  
”No, you need to act like everything is fine in front of him baby. He will use it against me if he thinks I’m tryina keep you from going out. No, no, Butchie you need to go and act like everything is fine.”  
  
”But I don’t want to leave you all alone ma, you seem sad again.”  
  
She stroked his cheek and looked over him with a soft expression, he felt his chest tighten. He rarely felt like she looked at him anymore.  
  
”You’re such a good boy Butchie, I can’t be a bad mom if you’ve become such a good boy, right?”  
  
She pulled him close again and sighed out, sounding relieved.  
  
”Don’t let him take you from me baby, if he takes you away mommy won’t be able to live on. You understand me Butchie? Mommy will die without her baby boy, you need to stay here with me, you’re all I’ve got and I’m all you got and that’s all either of us will ever need.”  
  
  
He felt cold and sad, that doctor had made his ma cry. He wanted to make him pay somehow, but he couldn’t figure out how.  
He felt like he was in a trance as he walked with Wally towards the cafeteria. He saw _her_ in the distance then and he felt his sadness turn to anger, her and her dad thought they were so much better. He would show her, she could go to hell and take that perfect dad of hers with her.


	8. Bluebells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think it's about time for some smutty content

She wanted to kiss him, but her vanity got the better of her and she realized that her face was probably red and swollen with makeup smeared all over by now.  
  
  
”I need to go home for a bit before I go back.” She sniffled as she broke their hug and stepped back with her face down into the ground.  
  
”Want me to tag along?”  
  
”Yeah, but if you catch a glimpse of my face and I’m all red and puffy you’re not allowed to laugh.”  
  
”Aw man, now you’re just being unreasonable nosebleed.”  
  
She didn’t have to look to know that grin was back. She could actually _feel_ it.  
She took a firm hold of his hand as she pulled him along back to her place. “Shut up.”  
  
  
As soon as they came inside Kitty was on her way towards the bathroom.  
  
”You do realize I’ve probably seen you without makeup more times than I’ve seen you with it nosebleed, you don’t gotta hide your face like that.”

He called out to her as she disappeared and he heard the faucet getting turned on.  
  
”Yes I do!”

She shouted back.

“When I cry my face puffs up something fierce and you’re not exactly the type to not tease me about it.”

  
He chuckled and mumbled a short “you’re right about that much” to himself before going to take a look around the place.  
  
  
Kitty’s apartment wasn’t anything special, the only thing that made her think of it as any different than the rest of the vault was her mother’s favorite passage hung up on the wall.  
She did have the great advantage to probably be the only one in the group to have gotten her own place. Which Butch saw as a great opportunity to snoop around without risking to run into anyone.  
He was a man on a mission and he made a b-line to her bedroom, he had wondered a handful of times what her bedroom must look like. He’d seen most of the others homes already, but since Kitty and him hadn’t exactly been friendly before he had never seen how she lived.  
  
One of the first things he saw was that her bed was made “typical, here you get to live all by yourself and you still make your bed. You’re such a goody two shoes nosebleed.” He chuckled to himself and went to the one thing that seemed to have signs of any wear and tear, a stack of books placed next to her bed.  
  
  
Had he said something? Kitty had managed to calm down her puffiness and she had reapplied her makeup. She turned off the bathroom light and went out into the hallway “I’m done, we can go back now.” That’s when she saw a shadow figure from her bedroom and a feeling of dread overtook her _he’s going to find my books!_  
  
She sprinted into the room and she felt like time stopped then and there, she was too late.  
  
”Well, well, well nosebleed. You’re just full of surprises aren’t ya, I’ve sorely underestimated you.”  
  
His grin was spread so wide he looked like his face might crack.  
  
”It’s not what you think!”

She shrieked, but of course he wasn’t about to buy that.  
  
”Oh it isn’t?”  
  
He walked with a proud swagger in his step towards her, grin as wide as ever. It was like he had found out where the bodies were buried and in a way he had.  
She looked down to which one of her copies he was holding, some of the covers could just pass for regular romance novels, maybe he would just tease her about being a romantic and they could move on from there.

  
But Kitty had no such luck, he had found the book that had the man with the glistening muscles and the half-naked woman swooning over him on the cover.  
Her face was on fire and she felt suddenly incredibly grateful that she had applied face makeup.  
  
”Here I thought I was going to stumble upon some bibles, maybe a medical journal or two, but this is so much better.”  
  
”You’re never going to let me live this down are you?”  
  
”Of course not nosebleed, but I figure you’ve already had a rough night so I will postpone taunting you until tomorrow.”  
  
He gave her a chaste kiss and she felt a burning sensation rise up inside of her. Why was he always acting as if he was the one that held all the cards? He might’ve stumbled upon her greatest secret but she also saw a window of opportunity open in front of her.  
  
She had decided to live her life on her own terms and so far she felt like she had allowed him to take charge, but she wanted that to change. She collected herself and pulled him closer to return and deepen their kiss, silencing his chuckles with her tongue against his. She broke the kiss momentarily and looked up at him with heavy lids “you know one thing about those books?” she whispered huskily, running her fingers over his chest. He nibbled on her neck and offered an intrigued “hmm?” in response, seeming to have forgotten about the book for the time being.  
“They’ve provided me with some very interesting information on things I would love to test out with someone…”  
He groaned and squeezed her ass, pressing her closer towards his crotch.  
  
“The Butch man lives to serve” he purred  
  
She could feel that he was getting harder and she felt a fluttering sensation between her legs.  
She felt her bravery growing as she put her hand over his crotch, earning a low hiss from him.  
  
“Shit nosebleed” he groaned  
  
 She chuckled, her voice hoarser than usual.  
  
“You better stop calling me that or I’m stopping right now.”  
  
She squeezed down on his now rock hard cock to prove her point, making him whimper.  
For now she held all the cards and she felt like that rush of power just spurred her on further.  
She stroked him over his pants up and down a few times, she had to stifle a moan, he was so much bigger than her fingers, would he even fit? She knew she wanted to find out, she could feel her knees give out at the thought of him pressing into her.  
  
She looked up into his eyes, seeing that most of the blue had been covered in the black of his pupils, she felt her heart flutter thinking about how she was the one having this effect on him.  
  
She acted on instinct and sank down to her knees keeping her eye contact with him.  
  
She unbuckled his pants and saw that he wore an expression she had never seen on him before – helplessness.  
  
She reached into his underwear and felt herself unravel at the feeling of his incredibly hot skin against her hand. She took a hold of him and pulled his cock out from his pants, stroking up and down his shaft and seeing a bead of clear liquid already forming at the tip of it.  
She had never seen a dick before, she didn’t quite know what to do but, she had read about something that she wanted to try out with him.  
  
She stuck out her tongue and licked up the slit of it, licking away that clear bead and tasting him. He let out a loud groan as her tongue touched him “shit” was all he could muster as she looked up into his eyes and let the head of his cock sink into the heat of her mouth.  
  
She bobbed her head up and down slowly, hearing his swearing spurring her on to go faster.  
She felt drunk on the taste of him, he tasted masculine somehow. She squeezed down on his balls hearing him whimper above her. She was stilled by his hand stroking into her hair and her mouth made a loud pop as she released him.  
  
“You need to stop doing that or you’re bound to get a mouthful Kitty Kat” he panted, looking unsteady on his feet.  
  
They were rudely interrupted by loud knocks on the door.  
  
“I’m coming, just a second!” Kitty shouted to the door.  
  
”So was I…”

Butch chuckled bitterly and pulled his pants up and combed through his hair quickly with his hands.  
  
Kitty snorted and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand as she stood up and went out into the hallway to open the door.  
  
  
  
She opened the door to find Amata standing outside.  
  
”Kitty! My dad is working late so we're all hanging out at my place! Are you feeling any better? We didn’t see Butch come back yet, is he with you?”  
  
Kitty realized Butch probably needed a minute to collect himself before he could be seen by anyone considering his situation so she fumbled for what to answer her friend.  
  
She didn’t have to think of an excuse because his voice rang through the apartment not long after.  
  
”I’m just raiding her fridge Amata, we’ll be right with ya.”  
  
”Wow, I didn’t actually think he was with you, you actually let him into your apartment?”

Amata whispered looking perplexed.  
  
Kitty had to stifle a laugh as she thought to herself  
_If you think letting him into my apartment was bad let me tell you where else I let him in._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry about the title of this chapter I just couldn't resist.


	9. Old habits die hard

The three of them left together to go to Amata’s place, Kitty felt her cheeks burn as she thought back on how bold she had been. But the taste of him still lingered on her tongue and made her almost annoyed that Amata had interrupted them.  
  
But suddenly she felt herself grow uncertain, she didn’t even really know where they stood yet but she had done something like that so quickly. She felt her stomach drop, what if he just saw them as a fling and then she would have to be reminded of how stupid she had been every time she saw him. She felt herself fill with dread, what if her going so fast would make him think less of her.  
  
”Hey Kat, you look tense.”

  
Butch whispered to her just low enough for Amata not to hear as they walked.  
  
She wasn’t sure if she should tell him what she actually felt, would he be insulted by her uncertainty? They had known eachother all of their lives, but she couldn’t help worrying if she may have gotten him wrong.

Was he the type of guy to judge her? A lifetime of Catholicism had left their traces in her, considering how devout her father was she would think it had been stranger if it hadn’t. She felt that it was less likely that she would regret being honest however, so she channeled into her previous bravery and just told him.  
  
”Im afraid you’ll think less of me for what I did.”  
  
She felt his body stiffen slightly next to her, he seemed to have been caught off guard.  
  
He was silent for a while as if gathering his thoughts before he spoke again.  
  
”I don’t want you to feel like that.”

Was what he finally mustered to say.  
  
Kitty felt slightly annoyed at his brief answer but she didn’t want to push him more than she had to.  
  
He seemed to have caught on to how she felt, he sighed and fumbled to explain himself  
  
“I’m bad with feelings Kat, but I don’t want you to think I’m just playing around with you either. “  
  
She felt like that answer calmed her down from her momentary fright, but she still felt like she didn’t quite know where they stood. At the same time she couldn't place why that bothered her so much, it wasn’t necessarily that she felt a need to be serious immediately; she just felt that strong feeling of shame from her christian upbringing telling her she had become filthy and she didn’t know how to express that to him.  
  
”I just need you to know I don’t do that type of stuff just with anyone.”

She finally muttered  
  
”I didn’t think that Kat, I just don’t know how to express what you make me feel into words is all. But I can tell you this much, I won’t let any other guys near ya, I just don’t know how to put that into nicer wording just yet. So you don’t have to worry about me leaving you in the dark again, I might not be as smart as you doc, but I don’t make the same mistakes twice.”  
  
She felt herself relax, she might not be ready for marriage or anything of the sort yet but she would hate to find out he was going to make her regret her first act of bravery. She had done what she did because she wanted to, all that made her worry was the feeling of being shamed. But his words and the warmth of his arm around her made her feel grounded.  
  
  
”Okay, I know you guys are supposed to be cute and all but in my role as best friend it’s my duty to tell you this Butch, if you hurt her I will end you.”  
  
Amata’s tone sounded playful, but Kitty could tell that there was at the very least a hint of seriousness in her voice.  
  
Butch chuckled, apparently not being put off by her friend’s threats.  
  
”No worries Amata, I might be a jerk sometimes but I’m not _that_ much of a jerk.”  
  
She silently thanked any higher powers out there for her friend, Amata was too good for this world.  
  
  
They returned to the familiar space that was Amata’s place, the overseer may have a cold aura surrounding him at all times but it was as if the universe made Amata pure warmth to balance it out. Kitty always felt like the apartment radiated Amata’s warmth moreso than her father’s cold, which was why she felt so comfortable there.  
  
As soon as they entered the place Kitty looked towards Wally, he had been so weird earlier and now she didn’t know what to think. Butch had seemed undisturbed by his advances when it had just been the two of them but she had never understood those boys.  
  
Wally’s face shone as he saw them enter, Kitty felt confused and looked up at Butch that wore a matching expression to his friend. She then looked back to Wally who was now giving Butch a thumbs up. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all Kitty thought, but she felt that she should punch him just once to make sure.  
  
”Wasn’t Wally trying to make a move on Kitty or something earlier Butch?” Amata asked.  
  
”Nah, he was mad at me for holding back. He was just trying to push me into gear.”  
  
He stopped himself and looked down towards Kitty as he continued “he could’ve just dared you to kiss him or something if he wanted to really make me mad after all.”  
  
She felt her cheeks burn and she looked down. For once her cynical thinking regarding Wally had been wrong and a part of her wanted to tell him she was sorry for thinking differently, _but it was cancelled out by her previous urge to punch him._  
  
  
She had sat down with Butch, Wally and Amata. The gang had collectively decided not to play any more games for now so they had separated themselves into two groups. Susie, Christine, Paul and Freddie had sat down in the kitchen while Kitty and the rest were sat down in the livingroom. Wally was laying out cards on the couch table, he was sat in the armchair and was leaning his elbows on his knees.

He almost looked smart when he was concentrated, _but only almost._ Kitty and Butch were sat on the couch, Butch still had his arm around her and was smoking a cigarette.  
 

Amata was sat at the far end of the couch glancing out into the kitchen, probably worried about Susie being alone with Freddie. Kitty leaned in to her friend and whispered to her “you can go there if you wanna, I think I can handle myself this time.” Amata looked up and gave her friend a soft smile. “I wouldn’t know what to say” she admitted.  
  
”Well, it’s better to try atleast. He doesn’t seem all that in to Susie anyhow, you might as well try and talk to him.”  
  
Amata sighed and looked back towards the kitchen before she stood up.  
  
”Here goes nothing” she mumbled as she left.  
  
Kitty felt glad that her friend was allowed to focus on someone other than her for once, she usually just felt like a burden in these group gatherings, she was just always leaning on Amata.  
  
”Well now that’s just unfair, you can’t leave me with the lovebirds Amata.”

Wally groaned. “This is my cue to leave ya two alone ain’t it?”  
  
Butch grinned at his friend but didn’t say anything, instead pulling Kitty closer to him as his way of answering.  
  
”Ugh fine, but don’t touch the cards! I was just getting a flow going and everything.”

 Wally sounded annoyed but he was sporting a ridiculous grin nonetheless as he went to follow Amata.  
  
  
They were quiet for a while afterwards, Kitty didn’t quite know what to talk about or do. Things usually felt natural between them but now she felt at a loss for words.  
  
”You’re being awful quiet Kat, somethin’ botherin’ ya again?”  
  
When had he become perceptive?  
  
”I just thought about how we’ve been doing all of this sort of backwards is all.”  
  
”I’m not sure I follow you nosebleed.”  
  
”See that’s another thing, I’ve mostly only known you as my childhood bully and now all of a sudden we are something _very_ different.”  
  
”You sayin you’re regretting things or what?”  
  
Butch had pulled his head back to look at her, he looked concerned and perhaps a little hurt.  
  
”No, not that, but that’s almost the thing isn’t it, why don’t I regret doing these things with you.”  
  
”You’re making no kind of sense Kitty Kat.”  
  
”Okay just as an example, what’s your favorite color?”

”You knitting me a sweater now or something?”  
  
”No! Come on, I don’t know the first thing about you. I’ve known you forever but at the same time it’s like I don’t know you at all.”  
  
He looked like he was deep in thought for a while before he was spurred into action. He pulled her along into the kitchen and snatched a bottle of vodka with him.

“Were leavin’” he declared to the gang.

  
“Okay, just don’t come home pregnant Butchie” Wally murmured.

  
“Aw come on Wally you know I ain’t that kind of gal” Butch chuckled and pulled Kitty along with him by the hand.  
  
As they left the apartment together she could hear Wally make a loud snort as he answered “liar”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was spurred into finishing this chapter thanks to the super nice comments I got, YOU GUYS ARE SO SWEET THANK YOU SO MUCH


	10. No boys allowed

He had pulled her along for a while now, she had no clue where he was taking her or why he had interrupted their conversation to run off. She almost felt a bit annoyed, was this some elaborate way for him to avoid the topic?  
  
However he had surprised her enough times with his kindness for her to just let him pull her along.  
  
  
Finally he stopped at a door she’d never noticed before, close to the apartments but it was hidden away in a corner where she had never thought to look. He looked back at her, still holding her hand and he looked giddy almost. He brought her inside to what to her great surprise was an apartment she had never seen before.  
  
”What is this place?”

She asked him and let go of his hand to go look around.  
  
The place looked like most of the apartments only mostly empty apart from a mattress, a couch, some small lamps, flashlights, cigarettes, some fancy lad snack cakes and a stash of… Were those Grognak comics?  
  
”I figured if I can’t tell you how I feel using the right words and all I might as well show you.”  
  
”Show me what? Doesn’t anyone live here?”  
  
”I used to, still do sometimes.”  
  
She raised her brow questioningly, she was under the impression he lived with his mom.  
  
”Butch I’m sorry but… I don’t follow.”  
  
He went up to her, put down the bottle of vodka on the floor and grabbed hold of both of her hands with his.  
  
”You better shut up while Im telling ya this nosebleed, might help if you don’t look at me too because this whole feelings bullshit is a real stretch for me.”  
  
She stifled a giggle, he was so cute, his ears looked super red and he was avoiding looking her in the eye. She had never seen him like this before, it felt so intimate. But she knew how hard it must be for him, whatever it was he was on about, so she obliged him and closed her eyes to make things easier for him.  
  
He was quiet for a while, as if collecting himself before he let out a deep sigh and started explaining  
  
”I found this place when I was about 8, around the same time when ma started drinking.”  
  
Her smile softened and fell from her face  
  
”It’s abandoned believe it or not, well not abandoned per se but it’s on hold for when some new people start a family. It’s pretty big, almost as big as the Mack place, so I figured it was a safe place to hide out. So I started sleeping here on nights I didn’t feel like going home.”

Kitty opened her eyes but as soon as he noticed he covered them with his hands. She had caught his expression though, he looked so small somehow. Like a little boy all over again, but in a way that somehow made her heart ache for him.  
  
“No! goddamnit nosebleed keep ‘em closed! I’m tryina be all soft and mushy for ya over here. Don’t make me look at those eyes of yours right now or the moment will be lost forever, okay?”  
  
After making sure she would behave he continued  
  
”I thought about bringing Wally here sometimes, yknow it could be like the tunnel snakes headquarters or something… But then as I was about to tell him about it I realized something, that would make it not _secret_ anymore. I wouldn’t be able to come here when I felt I needed to get away from it all without worrying about someone being here ya know.”  
  
Kitty realized then what he was doing, he was letting her into a part of his world he hadn’t even shared with his best friend before.  
  
”So, I need you to not make too big of a deal out of this, but you’re the only other person that knows this secret hideout of mine. If you make this weird I’m banning you for life, you understand?”  
  
She nodded, not sure if she was allowed to talk yet or not  
  
”Good.”  
  
He removed his hands from her face then and as she opened her eyes his expression looked less solemn, more so calm with a hint of a smile forming on his lips.  
  
”Can I talk yet?” She finally asked softly  
  
”Oh is it an option for you to just stay quiet for longer? I’d hate to miss out on that opportunity, I think we could save out for another 20 years or so worth of oxygen that way.” He teased and pulled her close.  
  
”Thank you.” She looked up at him, feeling herself finally fully relax around him.  
  
”See, that smile right there, you should show me that more often instead of worrying so much.”  
  
He chuckled and took ahold of her chin to bring her lips up to meet his.  
She felt so moved by his gesture, it was as if what she had done previously that day had made her feel vulnerable and exposed. With this one gesture he had made her feel whole again. She felt safe, which felt so ironic considering it was with Butch Deloria of all people.  
  
She brought her hands up to his face stroking along his neck slowly up and down, letting her fingers run through the hair on his neck. It felt stiff and sticky from his pomade, but he didn’t seem to mind her touching it and instead hummed contently into her mouth as he deepened their kiss.

He put his hand around her waist, making her feel small, but grateful for the support he offered as she felt her knees might give out. He went to squeeze her ass and she pulled him closer by his neck, feeling herself become slick by hearing the sounds they were making.

She moaned into his mouth and he growled in response, letting his fingers run from her ass down to underneath her skirt, finding his way into her panties and stroking along her now soaking slit with his fingers.  
  
That seemed to hit him like lightning because as if realizing what they were doing he quickly yet reluctantly broke the kiss, earning a sad mewl from her.  
  
 “I can’t say I don’t like where this is going but I’m afraid that if we continue I’m gonna have to find another secret hideout to show ya.”  
  
His voice sounded hoarse and Kitty felt herself shudder, she knew that she wanted him desperately right now, but a voice in the back of her head told her that if she regretted it the last time she just let things go along she would sure as hell regret it this time.  
  
”If we keep going you will need to find atleast three.” She finally said as she let out a breathy giggle  
  
He laughed at that “You’re just that good huh?”  
  
”I live to serve.” She sneered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half the fun is in the wait isn't it?


	11. Just like me

They sat down together on the couch, Butch brought the bottle of vodka and they were both doing their best to keep their distance as far as possible while still sitting together by leaning against each of the armrests and sitting up facing eachother, legs all tangled up in the middle of the couch.  
  
”I have to admit I didn’t just bring ya hear because the place is secret. It’s also somewhat neutral ground for this next game I was thinking we should play as a response to what ya said before.”

  
Kitty stroked her leg along the outer side of his and hummed questioningly in response, right now she would be happy just sitting in silence with him but she felt intrigued.  
  
”Games have been the common theme of this whole thing so far anyhow, so I thought it would be fitting. Back when we all started hanging out as a group we used to play this game of questions.”  
  
”That sounds boring.” Kitty chuckled “I couldn't imagine where to start finding questions for Wally”.  
  
”Oh it totally was, but with the added thrill of my old gal vodka here it spiced things up. Ya see you don’t always realize you might wonder things about eachother and all that, but vodka has this way of making your curiousity come out.”  
  
She nodded and looked up from their legs to look at him, he was leaning on his elbow against the backrest and supported his head on the back of his hand.

He looked down into his other hand where he held the bottle, ripping at the edge of the label but not really trying to tear it off, more just fidgeting.

He looked like he was thinking back on those times and that allowed her to look at him for a while without him noticing.

His skin shone slightly of gold in the dim light of the apartment, the contrast of his tan against those baby blues made her heartrate speed up. His hair was still slightly disheveled from her tousling it, she felt warmth spread through her chest realizing that he had just left it like that, like he wasn’t in the need to put up his front quite as much.  
  
She didn’t feel the need to look away this time as he looked up to meet her gaze, his grin returning, showing off his pearly white teeth, but the expression didn’t feel taunting anymore instead it looked much softer. Like he wasn’t teasing her anymore, but he still wanted her to know he had caught her looking.  
  
”I’m tryina be nice here nosebleed, you better cut that out or I’m going to have to bring you home before you jump me again.”  
  
She gave him a playful kick with the side of her foot. “Nah I think you’re going from here pretty much unscathed, no promises of course, but consider me intrigued, keep going.”  
  
”Okay so anyhow, you’d think we could all go into separate groups and make smalltalk or whatnot considering we’ve grown up together and all that. But that just defeated the whole purpose of seeing eachother as a group, we talk to the ones we know the best at all times anyhow.”  
  
”Why did you all wan’t to hang out anyhow?”  
  
”Well, it was Susie that suggested it actually. Amata was real gloomy about not being able to hang out with ya as much so she suggested we all hang out as a group to cheer her up.”  
  
She felt her breath catch in her throat, _had she misjudged Susie too?_  
  
”I guess we were all sorta shook up about how your dad was able to leave too, it raised questions ya know? If he can leave, some of us thought that hey maybe we could too. Just to see what’s out there and all if nothing else, so I guess it was two birds one stone.”  
  
”What’s a bird?”  
  
”Not a clue, but that’s beside the point, my point is that we were all pretty shook up from people up and disappearing, dying and whatnot. So we thought, hey, maybe we could all get together seeing as the Mack’s makes us all as a group into some kind of immune force.”  
  
Kitty felt sad momentarily, for the most part of those months she had been forced to deal with her dad leaving without the help from anyone else. Why couldn’t they have tried to visit her? But she sighed to herself, they had all gotten a chance to get to know eachother but she still only _really_ knew Amata back then. Maybe taking care of her further when being shaken up would’ve given Amata more to worry about.  
  
None of that mattered now anyway so she just nodded and signed for him to continue, he had stopped as if sensing her thought process. _Could he cut it out with these perception-skills already.  
  
_ ”Okay so now for my actual point, the game is pretty straight forward. I ask you a question, if you refuse to answer you gotta take a shot.”  
  
”That seems like we’ll stay sober for quite a while.”  
  
”Oh yeah we ran into that problem too, so we instated a rule that for every three straight answers the person asking the questions has to take a shot. Ups the odds a bit, makes you ask stuff you wouldn’t normally think to. If ya answer ten times in a row you have to do a dare on top of the shot, you know, to spice things up.”  
  
She could see the appeal, it would be easy enough to just ask basic questions in which case nothing would happen.  
  
”It worked as an icebreaker, it’s what brought Paul and Christine together. So I thought since you weren’t there to try it back then I could give you the opportunity now.”  
  
”Seems like you’d be pressured into asking really private stuff. Couldn’t you just only ask questions like that and win it all?”  
  
”Can you cut it out with the overanalyzing Kitty Kat, you want to play or not? You said you don’t know anything about me and here I am being so generous, giving you a prime opportunity.”  
  
She realized that he had a point and willed herself to stop thinking into it too hard.  
  
”So who goes first?”  
  
”Well since you seemed to be so curious I’m going to be a gentleman about it and let you go first.”  
  
She thought for a bit, she hadn’t actually thought about what to ask him.  
  
”We both gotta take a shot before you ask though, otherwise you’re bound to think too hard per usual.”  
  
He took a generous swig from the bottle and handed it to her. _How in the name of fuck did he do that with a straight face._  
  
She made a grimace and took the bottle, steadying herself before bringing it to her lips and trying her best to drink it down. As she separated the bottle from her lips she couldn’t help but to keep the grimace on her face, she heard Butch make a loud snort and take the bottle from here. Then he sealed her lips with his and plied his tongue into her mouth, making her forget the taste. “You look real cute like that, you know that?” he sneered.  
  
The urge to punch him fluttered up inside her chest, although she quickly thought better of it, he had helped with the flavor no doubt so she counted her blessings and with the added liquid courage starting to provide a gentle warm buzz she thought on what she wanted to ask him.  
  
”You never did tell me what your favorite color was.” She chuckled, figuring it was as good of a place as any to start.  
  
”Red.” He said, pulling back and bringing the bottle with him. “What’s yours?”  
  
”Blue.” She sighed, not really having given it much thought before.

“When did you and Wally become friendly? Weren’t you guys rivals or something?”  
  
He leaned back on the palms of his hands and looked up towards the ceiling to think back.  
  
”I’m not sure, I guess we’ve always been pals but every now and then he does something weirdly nice. I don’t know if I would say we’re close though.”  
  
”Why do you say that?” Kitty wondered  
  
”You’re gonna have to wait your turn to ask that nosebleed, my turn.”  
  
”Fine, fine.”  
  
”How about you and Amata? It’s like until recently you guys have always been joined at the hip.”  
  
He lit a cigarette and took a long drag before offering it to her, she took it, breathed it in and held it there for a short while before releasing her breath again. The cigarette still felt warm from his lips,  
but then she realized she he had to think about what to answer him.  
  
”I guess at first it was because my dad thought it was fitting, neither of us had moms and we were both small girls so he would take me to visit her while he worked. Then we just sorta stayed together I guess.”  
  
”Sounds fair enough.” Butch said as he took back the cigarette from her.  
  
”Now you gotta tell me why you’re not sure about how close you and Wally are.”  
  
He chuckled and took another drag from the cigarette, as he breathed out he admitted in a strained voice “that kid looks up to his dad too much for me to really trust him.”  
  
”Really? It seemed like he was real friendly with you though.”  
  
”Yeah, but yknow, you experienced Stevie first hand, that should tell you enough about that family to know somethings up.”  
  
”That doesn’t stop you from hanging around him all the time though.”  
  
”It’s not like we’ve got an endless amount of people to choose from down here nosebleed. He’s not a bad guy or nothin’, I just know that when it comes down to it he is loyal to his family above the others. Can’t really blame him for that of course, it just is what it is.”  
  
She felt a lump in her throat then, she couldn’t help but wonder if he would’ve still liked her if there were more girls too choose from. But that was life after all, she would never have a clear answer to that and there was no reason to overthink it.  
  
He handed her the bottle and pulled her out of her thoughtprocess.  
  
”That’s three questions Kat, drink up.”  
  
She pulled the bottle from him and drank down a good chug before handing it back to him.  
  
”Now I gotta ask you somethin’ I’ve been wondering about a lot lately. Why didn’t you try and follow your dad?”  
  
She felt a lump form in her throat, of course he would be curious. But she couldn’t answer him without retelling what kind of parent James had been and that part made her hesitate.  
  
”He wasn’t exactly that great of a dad to begin with.”

She finally admitted and sighed “He left and as a result some people died, if I hadn’t become a doctor chances were that I would’ve been killed too.”  
  
Butch raised an eyebrow and drew his chug from the bottle before looking to her with a solemn expression.  
  
”I always thought he seemed like he was a good enough dad, he seemed stable enough. He kept his job down and insisted on those birthday parties every year for ya.”  
  
”Yeah well, as Stevie proved we don’t always really know the people that live close to you.”  
  
He looked down onto the bottle, looking perturbed.  
  
”Why were you always so mean to me Butch?”  
  
She felt herself wonder where she had found the bravery to just ask him straight out, feeling the effects of the vodka settle in as if it was a soft cushion shielding her from her own insecurities.  
  
He sighed and looked up at her, he looked pained as he answered her. “My ma, she… Well you know she likes her drink.” He gestured towards the bottle and continued “this is her preffered poison yknow.”  
  
She felt a sour feeling filling up her stomach, he was looking so small again. She hated seeing him like that, she wanted to make his pain all go away. It was like looking into a mirror in some aspects, she knew that pain all too well.  
  
He continued talking, his voice small and filled with grief. “She convinced me for years and years that your dad wanted to take me from her. That you both felt like you were above it all, you were so put together and perfectlooking so I fully believed her until that night I found out he had left. I can’t say I’m a fan of your dads even now, but it made me think different regarding you.”  
  
”Different how?”  
  
Was he feeling sorry for her? Was that why he had kissed her that first time?  
  
He looked up into her eyes, closing the distance between them and wiping away tears from her cheek she hadn’t realized had started pouring.  
  
”You’re just like me Kitty Kat.”


	12. Sacrifice

**Almost 4 years earlier**  
  
  
  
\- This is absurd.  
  
James growled as he looked down at the test results from the G.E.C.K.  
  
”Dad it’s just a job, I’m sure it won’t be so bad.”  
  
”No daughter of mine is going to be a tattoo artist!”  
  
He shouted, glaring daggers into her.  
  
”Dad I just answered how I felt, it wasn’t up for me to decide.”  
  
He turned around to face her, crumbling the paper in his hand.  
  
”Honey, who do you think told Brotch to offer you the chance to _alter_ the results?”  
  
His tone was collected, it could pass off as warm to someone unfamiliar with it, but Kitty could feel the ice hidden underneath grasping a hold of her.  
  
”I… I’m sorry dad.”  
  
He let out a breath and threw the paper into a nearby trashcan.  
  
”I just want what’s best for you pumpkin, a smart girl like you don’t belong in such a business.”  
  
”I thought maybe I could just try it out…”  
  
She heard her voice cracking, she wanted to stay composed so badly but her heart wouldn’t allow it. She felt the tears running down her cheeks silently.  
  
”Honey don’t make a scene, it’s not becoming of a young lady. Now, I’m going to go see Brotch about this and inform him that you’ve had a lapse in judgement and what you really want is to be assigned to the medical department.”  
  
She wanted to be brave, she didn’t want this, she didn’t want to work under him for the rest of her life. She saw her window of freedom close before her and she raised her voice as much as she could muster “no dad, I don’t want to be a doctor.”  
  
James sighed as if she were a small child throwing a tantrum. He turned to her, a soft smile plastered over his face.  
  
”You know your mother had a dream once, back when she was still alive. She wanted to become a priest. Oh that’s right honey don’t look so surprised, your mother’s path in this life wasn’t so clear cut either. But you know what made her decide to become a scientist? She wanted to do something that would be left behind in this world after she was gone.”  
  
She felt guilt bubble up inside of her, her mother had given up on her passion for the sake of what she felt was right in the long haul.  
  
”I thought you wanted to do something meaningful with your life Kitty. It saddens me to see you neglect your intelligence and make such a choice. Your mother gave up her life for you to live yours after all, I’d hate for you to reunite in heaven and tell her you’d decided to waste her sacrifice.”  
  
Kitty felt her blood turn cold, he was right, she had been put on this earth because of her mother’s sacrifice. She would be a waste in this life unless she lived up to her mother’s expectations.  
James sat down in his armchair, his hand rubbing against his forehead as if in deep thought.  
  
”If your mother were here she would be working tirelessly for the sake of this vault. She saved many a lives in her day, this vault doesn’t need someone to plotter on its residents. What this vault needs is someone like your mother, but alas she isn’t here anymore.”  
  
”I’m sorry daddy, I will go tell Brotch myself.”

Kitty whimpered, her voice small.  
  
Her father looked up and stroked up her arm causing her tears to flow harder.  
  
”Oh honey, don’t cry, you might never be able to fill your mothers shoes but the least you can do is try.”


	13. A real tunnelsnake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the smut commence

It was like she saw clearly for the first time, she felt too many feelings overwhelm her at the same time and she didn’t even know where to begin processing them all. One thing she did know for sure finally, she didn’t want to wait anymore.  
  
She closed the distance between them further, pushing him back into his leaned back position and straddling him as she kissed him.  
  
She could taste the saltiness of her tears as their tongues met, but now she felt them stop pouring, she didn’t feel weak anymore.  
  
Butch hummed contently and put his arms around her waist, pulling her down against him further, she felt him harden under her and she ground herself against him. His breath hitched and in a strangled voice as if he was just barely holding it together himself he muttered “we should stop.” She whined and sucked onto his earlobe, grounding harder as if trying to convince him without using her words. He growled, sounding annoyed now and lifted her up with him as he stood up and put her onto the mattress on the floor before standing on his knees in front of her.  
  
“I don’t want to be the type of guy that takes advantage Kitty. But I’m not made of steel either. I’m going to tell you this one final time, you need to stop unless you’re sure that this is what you want.”  
  
She spread her legs for him, only enough for her short skirt hiking up and showing off a peek of her underwear to him. He looked angry, yet helpless, like he was barely holding it together but trying so hard to at the same time.  
  
”Butch I don’t know what it is that were doing, not really. I know that you make me feel weak and strong at the same time. I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest whenever I see you, I don’t want to have to hold myself back. My dad leaving taught me one thing, we don’t always know if we’re going to get a tomorrow. I don’t want to wait anymore Butch, I want you, I know I won’t regret it because I know you won’t hurt me.”  
  
He chuckled slightly, but it still held a bit of uncertainty. “You know how to make a gal blush I’ll tell you that much.” But then it was as if he caught himself doing his same old deflecting shit and he continued in a lower voice

“I promise not to ever hurt you intentionally again Kitty Kat, you’ve got my word.”  
  
He leaned down above her, steadying himself on his arms and settling himself down between her legs, he kissed her again, softer this time as if he suddenly thought he might break her.  
  
She felt like her chest was too full, like what she was feeling was consuming her entire body, she just wanted him so bad, all of him.  
  
He ground himself against her, making her moan, she moved her hand down to pull at his pants, not in the mood for anymore teasing.  
  
Pulling himself back up into a sitting position and removed his jacket and shirt. Taking the cue she pulled her dress up all the way, leaving her in her bra and panties.  
  
He looked down at her, his mouth slightly hung open “You’re so beautiful Kat…”  
  
She looked up at his tanned torso, he looked so perfect, like something from a romance novel. She sat up sensing his newfound uncertainty and stroked her hand along his chest, following her movements with small kisses.  
  
He let out a low moan in response, she could feel him shudder. She felt his hand around her back, pulling on her bra, that’s when she knew for sure it was his first time too, because he didn’t seem to know how the thing worked.  
  
She stifled a giggle, not wanting to add to his insecurities, she pulled her arms back to unfasten the clasp that held her breasts back and she felt the cool air hit her.  
  
Now it was her turn to feel insecure, she was almost completely naked in front of him and she didn’t know what to do.  
  
He seemed to be of a similar mind but he took a hold of her chin and brought her face up to look at his. She felt so vulnerable, but that somehow made it all the more sweet, she felt that she was allowed to be vulnerable around him.  
  
“Don’t look away from me Kitty Kat, you’ve got nothing to be ashamed about.”  
  
She could feel tears prickle behind her eyes again, but this time they were tears of happiness. She swallowed them down, not wanting him to worry again.  
  
He laid her back down on her back, kissing her as he fondled her breasts with his one hand and steadied himself on the other.  
 She whined, holding onto his fingers to guide him to pinch at her nipples. As he seemed to figure out what made her tick the most she started unbuckling his pants, releasing his cock from its confinements. She pulled at it a few times, relishing in how hot and hard he felt as he groaned into her mouth.  
  
He pulled down her underwear to her knees and she righted her legs so he could remove them fully.  
  
She leaned his cock to her entrance and as she felt that first bit of contact from his head touching to her opening they shuddered in unison. Her slit was practically dripping for him at this point, she felt almost oversensitive to the touch. He pulled back to look down into her eyes, his baby blues were almost covered in black again.  
  
“Last chance to back out Kitty Kat.”  
  
He was trying to sound smug again, but she could tell that he wasn’t holding his defenses up as much anymore. He seemed nervous, but she felt sure, this was what she wanted. She pulled him back again to kiss him, it felt so tender, she moaned into his mouth “I want you.”  
  
That spurred him into action as he pressed forward, not meeting much resistance for the first few inches considering how wet she was.  
  
She whined as he met the first bit of resistance, god he was so big. She felt tears prickle down her eyes and he kissed the side of her face. “You wanna stop Kitty?” she could feel him holding back still, she felt touched but annoyed at this point, her passion taking over her last previous insecurities. She pushed her hips forward more and felt him slip in further, he swore at her, not being prepared for her sudden move.  
  
But it seemed to have provided him with the courage to stop worrying as he pushed in the final few inches until he was fully sheathed inside her.  
  
“Fuck Kitty, you’re so tight.” He whimpered and she moaned in response.  
  
She felt so full, she was feeling herself burning, it hurt slightly but not as much as she would’ve expected. They stayed like that for a short while, just to collect themselves before she whispered to him, her voice so full of passion for him that she hardly recognized it anymore. “Please, please Butch, fuck me.”  
  
He groaned and started a slow rhythm, pulling his cock out of her until only the head remained inside before pushing back in. She moaned louder now, he felt so right to her, she pulled his face back to hers and kissed him again, wanting his taste in her mouth as she felt him thrusting in and out of her.  
  
He growled and sped up the pace and she locked her legs around him, she just couldn’t seem to get enough. She felt like she might come just from having him inside her but she knew she needed a little help on the way. She brought her hand down to her clit to rub at it as he pushed into her, he noticed and pulled back.  
  
“Show me” he said as he stroked her along her mound, still thrusting into her but now at a slower pace.  
  
She took his hand and showed him how to rub at her, feeling herself already close to the edge just by feeling his fingers instead of hers. She loved his fingers against her, his cock inside her, him, she loved him. She loved him so much, she hadn’t found the words to describe it before but she suddenly just felt so sure and that brought her over the edge. She felt her walls cluthing to him, trying to milk him for everything he was worth.  
  
He growled, not wanting to spill inside of her but having to hold himself back, but he wasn’t sure if he could. “Please Butch, I want you to cum inside of me.” she moaned as she felt him still “Kitty, it ain’t safe” he murmured.  
  
She pushed her pussy further down onto his cock, feeling her walls clamping down on him still, he whined in response, god she loved that sound.  
  
“I need to feel you filling me up Butch, please, I’m safe, please just come inside me.”  
  
That broke him as he slammed back into her, making her moan and holding her arms around his neck as he set a brutal pace. She sucked and nipped at his ear and whispered to him “yes Butch, please I need to feel you more. please Butch I want it so badly.”  
  
Her words made his last composure disappear as he came inside of her, pressing in as deep as he could. She whined loudly, pressing herself down hard in return to where her pussy just couldn’t take any more. He continued a few lazy thrusts before he stopped, panting over her as she continued peppering kisses along his jaw.  
  
He put himself away and laid down beside her, pulling her close to his chest as they both caught their breaths. She could feel some of his cum spilling out of her and she purred. She had taken birth control pills for years to prevent menstrual cramps and she silently thanked them for allowing this proof of their coupling to remain inside of her.  
  
She traced lazy circles against his chest, finding pleasure in finding out where he had birthmarks and just feeling his hot skin against hers. He chuckled and pressed her up against him, letting her rest her head on his arm and using his other hand to trail up and down her still naked body.  
  
“You cold?” He finally mumbled.  
  
She snuggled closer to him and shook her head.  
  
“You sure you’re safe?” He asked after a while, raising his eyebrow at her questioningly.  
  
“Positive.” She giggled.  
  
“That’s almost a shame after all that.” He chuckled, making her purr in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all think I did a good job, after all "It damn well had to be"


	14. Quiet as a mouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here have some more smuttiness why dontcha
> 
> This time italics means that the person is whispering.

After coming down from their respective highs they just laid there for a while, enjoying just being close to one another. Butch seemed to have a blanket ready to cover her in thankfully, she wasn’t cold earlier but she was still naked after all, not feeling the need to redress quite yet and she could tell from his wandering eye he wasn’t minding the view, moving just enough to cause the blanket to slip off of her breasts.  
  
That’s when they heard voices from outside and Kitty quickly hid under the blanket, making Butch chuckle.  
  
“You do know the door is locked right? Stole the key from the overseers office years ago and as far as I’m aware there aren’t many other copies.”  
  
She peeked her head out again, still somehow feeling like someone would waltz right in and see them at any given moment.  
  
The voices came closer making the hair on the back of her neck stand up, it was Amata and Susie.  
  
“I’m telling you Amata I don’t think we need to look for them.”  
  
“Yeah, well I don’t like having Wally making speculations when she isn’t around to defend herself.”  
  
“He’s just being a dick, no one with half a brain is going to take his word for it.”  
  
  
Kitty didn’t know what to do, her instinct was to go out there and make herself known to Amata but coming out from behind a locked door with Butch there with his hair all messed up and that dopey grin he was sporting wouldn’t be easy to explain. Or rather it would be too easy to explain and while she might be comfortable enough to tell Amata she did not want Susie to find out this way or she wouldn’t get to live it down in this lifetime.  
  
She felt warm fingers trailing over her mound again, in her thought process she hadn’t noticed Butch propping himself up on his elbow to look down on her.  
  
_“Don’t even think about it nosebleed, I may have been a real gentleman with you before but I ain’t letting you go that easily now.”_  
  
To prove his point he slid his finger into her, she still felt sore from the previous assault but she burned at his voice in combination with his touch. She let out a soft whimper, trying to keep her voice down, if they could hear Amata and Susie from outside the girls would in turn definitely hear her.  
  
Butch seemed to have thought the same thing because another finger joined the first and his thumb rubbed up her clit the way she had shown him earlier.  
  
She bit her lower lip, cursing him silently, he was getting off on this. She had to bite back a moan at the lewd sounds that came from his fingers thrusting in and out of her, still soaking from before.   
  
She heard the girls smalltalking from outside, she couldn’t tell what about anymore and she found that she didn’t care, only focusing on being as quiet as humanly possible.  
  
Butch let out a small groan before pulling his fingers from out of her and flipping her over on her stomach, the surprise of it making her squeal beside herself.  
  
“What was that?”  
  
She heard Susie’s voice from outside and Kitty was silently cursing him as she heard him unbuckle his pants again behind her. But despite herself she propped herself up to rub herself against him as he rubbed his cock along her folds from behind her.  
  
Fuck, she was getting off on it too.  
  
Without much warning he sheathed himself inside her, not being gentle with her anymore and she loved it more than she liked to admit. Moaning softly as she felt that fullness of him inside her again, it went much easier this time, their combined fluids from their first round acting as lubricant.  
  
He started a rough pace, kneading her breast and gripping onto her hip as she heard the lewd slapping sound of their coupling echoing through the apartment.  
  
Fuck, she couldn’t hold her moans in and she didn’t want them to hear.   
  
_“Butch, I can’t keep quiet, you need to slow down, they will hear us, oh but fuck you feel so good inside of me.”_  
  
Her voice was hitched, she was so close already, almost in pain from her pussy being overworked and overfilled with him. It was too much, but she didn’t want it to stop.   
  
He seemed to be of a similar mind because he laid down on top of her, steadying himself on his one arm and slowing his pace down somewhat, earning an unhappy whine from her.  
  
_“I just told ya I aint letting you go Kitty Kat, bite down on my hand because I ain’t stopping for nothin’. Who knows, maybe I lied about the door being locked, better do your best to be real quiet just in case.”_  
  
She whined and tasted their combined juices in her mouth as his hand went to cover it. She licked it off, not wanting to let any of the delicious taste go to waste. He groaned and went back to his brutal pace, making her bite down on his hand hard before pushing her hips back to meet his every thrust.   
  
She still heard the voices outside, maybe they had become suspicious at hearing her previous squeal and that’s why they stayed around. She felt her pussy clamp down around him at the thought that all that separated them from eachother was a thin wall.  
  
_“You like that Kitty Kat? You like the thought of them maybe overhearing you in this state, laying here naked with me buried deep inside of you, already having one of my loads dripping out of your cunt. You want them to maybe come in here and see you, see how you beg for more, I wouldn’t stop even if they did. You’re mine Kitty Kat, I don’t care who knows it, in fact I want them to fucking know.”_  
  
That did her in and she came around him, hearing him hiss and grip her ass hard enough where she would likely end up with a bruise in the morning, but that somehow just made it better.   
  
He slowed down out of courtesy, he may be rough with her now but he still cared about her that much she knew. But she wanted more, she didn’t care if it was bordering on painful, she was still high on her passion for him. He had taken his hand from her mouth, doing anything he could to steady himself so he wouldn’t come undone just yet.   
  
She bent her lower arm back to stroke his neck as he kissed along her neck, still covering her back and making her feel so small.  
  
“Please don’t stop Butch, please, I’m yours so please give me everything you have.”  
  
He didn’t need any more encouragement, he pulled her up to stand on all fours again before he took a firm hold of her hips and resumed his ruthless pounding into her.  
  
She bit her lower lip to stifle her moans, her body was on fire and screaming for him. Years of fantasies finally finding a release in him and all that she felt for him, she didn’t want to ever stop. But as she felt her third orgasm hit her he couldn’t hold out anymore.   
  
It was as if her body was doing its best to milk every drop out of him, she started shaking no longer steady enough to hold herself up. He laid them down together on their sides, still buried inside of her and panting.  
  
  
The voices outside were silent now, probably having given up on finding them. Kitty felt her body finally calming down from all that she had felt and instead making her tired. He seemed to be of a similar mind, covering them both in the blanket.  
  
“You’re gonna pay for all of that Deloria.”  
  
He let out a tired chuckle in response.  
  
“Can’t wait pipsqueak.”


	15. Up and atom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to do a third round of smut because after this one it's gonna be plotheavy for a while so I got out my own frustrations while I could.

Kitty woke up the next morning from her internal clock deciding it was time to get up, she needed to get to the clinic but as she opened her eyes she saw Butch laying there, arm flung over her waist. He looked like a little boy when he slept and that made her want to punch him for being too cute. How could he look so innocent when he was asleep, it made her not want to get up and instead just snuggle close to him for the rest of the day. 

She thought back on the day before, since they had disappeared and not returned to the party it was likely that everyone would have figured out what they had done. But she found herself not really caring, so what if people knew? It wasn’t like two people hadn’t ever slept together before.

That’s when the thought actually sunk in, she had had sex with Butch Deloria and therefore she had given him all of her firsts. She had to stifle a giggle, she didn’t regret it at all, hell it felt like she was taking back her life bit by bit and it felt amazing. But it was also a bit bizarre, she had always hoped they would somehow manage to live their lives without ever bumping into eachother again, despite the vault rendering that option impossible and now here they were. 

It was such a strange feeling, all of her life she had felt so alone, like she could never be good enough just being Kitty. He had contributed to that feeling in the past and she had by no means forgotten it, but the happiness he had given her since they reunited made her feel like her heart would explode. Even if when he woke up he would just brush it all off she would still have remembered this happiness and that would fuel her to know that it was out there. She had found it out by following what she wanted and that felt all the more sweet after living a life for her father, always in her mother’s shadow.

She looked up at his face again and as if in a trance she brought her hand to his face to stroke along his cheek. He had stubble now, when did he become an adult and wasn’t he 10 just yesterday?

He shifted slightly in his sleep, pulling her closer but she still couldn’t tell if he was awake. 

She felt mischievous, he was so cute but at the same time she felt that burn for him again, she wanted more from him. 

He was naked too now she realized as she scooted closer to feel his hot skin against her, it made her purr feeling this boy… No this man that she knew she loved so close to her. She hadn’t had the courage before to tell him, she still didn’t know if she could, but she knew she dared to show it through pleasure.

She straddled him, hearing him slowly waking up, but still not quite awake. So she touched him, all over his chest she let her hands drag over him and her nails very gently going over him as she ground her naked cunt against his soft cock. Feeling it awaken before he did, she didn’t want to start her assault before he awoke, it felt wrong somehow, so when she saw him open his eyes and grin at her before thrusting up towards her she mewled and felt him grow harder as he awoke.

She dragged her hand up and down the length of him, feeling that soft, hot skin and making herself crazy by just teasing when she dragged the head of him against her opening. She wanted to push him inside of her already, but she waited a bit more, trying to make them both frustrated at the lack of contact.

He didn’t seem to have her patience as he grabbed ahold of himself to search his way up into her, she needed no more encouragement as she helped him in his search, sinking down on him and feeling as if he was taking her virginity all over again. There was slight pain as he entered her, her pussy having been assaulted so much the day before, but she didn’t want to leave before she had gotten more of him. She wanted to feel his cum inside of her before she could dare part from this beautiful man that she loved so. With him going in as far as her body would allow she started lifting herself up and down, his hands on her hip lazily guiding her movements.

“You’re insatiable Kitty Kat.”

“For you? Yeah, I don’t want you to have anything left if I have to leave for work afterwards.”

He growled, sounding annoyed.

“Why you gotta to work on a Saturday anyway?”

He thrusted up into her wet heat hard, making her moan louder than what she knew was safe with such thin walls.

“People can’t very well allow diseases and whatnot to take weekend breaks now can they?”

“Sounds like rudeness if ya ask me Kitty Kat.”

He was clearly fully awake now as he thrusted up into her, she felt ecstasy as he hit a bit inside of her that had her making an almost inhuman sound.

“You do have the ability to make really nice expressions when I’m inside ya Kitty Kat.”

“You just feel so good, I just love you so much and you fill me so good.”

Fuck, she had said it out loud, she felt herself blush and didn’t want to look at him. What if he didn’t feel the same?

She covered her face with her hands, feeling embarrassed at her confession, but then she felt him thrusting up into her hard and she looked down at him as she moaned.

“You’re just not allowed to be that cute Kitty Kat.”

He looked angry and lifted her up suddenly making her yelp as he pressed her up against the wall, still buried inside of her.

“I love you too Kat.”

She felt tears prickle down her eyes, her body felt tingly and like it was filled with all of her feelings. He held her so close it almost hurt as he fucked her hard and slow and he made her mewl, it was all so good.

“I loved you before all of that bullshit with misunderstandings and shit, I love you for your fucking kindness despite having a shit dad. I love you because you forgive people that don’t fucking deserve it and give ‘em a second chance if they want one.”

As he confessed all of this he still thrust up into her, making her shudder and feel her release coming closer. His words continued as she buried her face in his shoulder, feeling soft tears of happiness trailing down her face.

“I love you because you’re so fucking strong, you were all alone and you fucking fought on. Nothing stops you and you… fuck you’re so fucking tight how the fuck is that possible after all of this? You make me wanna see you with a big pregnant stomach, knowing my fucking kid is in there. Was almost disappointed when you told me you were on those fucking pills, just fucking let me fill you up and tie you down already. You’re fucking mine ya hear? I won’t ever let you go.”

“Please Butch, fill me up, I want that so bad, let me carry your baby, I want a little black haired baby with those impossibly blue eyes so I fucking know I’m yours forever. Please fill me up baby, I want it so bad and I will stop taking those pills for you to be able to seed me real good.”

He came, not being able to hold back after her words, she shuddered as she felt that warmth again, wanting to get down on her knees so she could lick of the remainder from his cock. But he wasn’t having any of that, still holding her up and thrusting into her. It was like he was coating her insides to the best of his abilities, pushing those pills to their limit. A logical part of her thought that maybe they should wait more, but what she felt was intoxicating and she didn’t want logic to fuck that up. She knew she didn’t want anyone inside this vault, only him. He had grown up alon, in pain just like her and together they were healing. Even if by some sick twist of fate it wouldn’t last she couldn’t imagine any greater honor than having a child by him. She just wanted it so bad, filled with passion and her love for him.

He started rubbing her clit, knowing she hadn’t had the chance to come yet. She whined at the added pressure as she was already so weak from feeling his cum inside of her, she just wanted all he had to give her. So she whispered into his ear to spur him on further.

“I love you because when you see you’ve done wrong you do your best to fix it, I love you because you do your best to be strong even when you don’t have to and that’s only because you want to protect the ones you love. I love you because despite that, you have shown me vulnerability when I needed it. I love you because you make me feel like I’m someone special even after a lifetime of being told I’m not.”

He rubbed more furiously, it was too much and somehow not enough at the same time. It was all so intense and she was feeling high on all of what she felt. She was already so close just by feeling this intimacy, this love he had admitted to her. She dared to take first steps but he always made her feel safe and that was more than she felt she deserved.

All of her emotions took over her body as she came around him, feeling him shudder around her. It was like her body was taking what he had previously given and tried to take it in further. 

He laid her back down on the mattress to catch her breath before lying down behind her.

“Go figure, here I get you for myself for once and you gotta go to work.” 

He said after a while of her calming down, feeling like her insides were somehow humming in contentment.

“Well I would want nothing more than to stay here but I was on that stupid suspension until not too long ago so I feel like risking it won’t be too good of an idea.”

He chuckled softly and pressed her closer so his face was buried in her hair.

“Can’t blame a guy for tryin’.”

She pressed her ass against his cock hard before she sat up, earning a disapproving growl from him.

“No but someone’s gonna have to be responsible out of the two of us.”

“Ugh, no, let’s just both be irresponsible.”

She kissed him chastely on the lips as she went up to get dressed.

“Then how would we get anything done, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so now if you like my story I want you ask you all if you want me to go really hard on the feels from here on out? Because I have two ideas for how I want to continue this story and I'm interested in hearing any opinions you might have. I wont spoil anything of course but to sum it up, do you want me to do the more emotional route or the slightly less emotional route? (we're talking more sad feels rather than sappy ones fyi) I just feel like I want to ask, I'm going to upload one of the two options anyway so if you don't have a preference just ignore this. 
> 
> Also a great big thank you to all of you for leaving such sweet comments, they really make me superhappy!


	16. Logic versus feeling

Kitty was still bubbling and high on all of the new feelings she felt for Butch as she went to work. But now she would have to tell Amata, her and her friend were going to meet after workhours in Kitty’s apartment to talk. She felt giddy, Amata was someone she considered a sister and she didn’t want to leave her in the dark about all of this happiness bubbling inside of her.  
  
Her clinic hours went on as usual, a few checkups here and there, nothing out of the ordinary. But she blushed at everything around her reminding her of Butch. Just looking down onto her blue vault suit made her remember his eyes, so firmly set on her as if she was something so valuable to him and she purred.  
  
Maybe saying I love you after one week of… Dating? Wasn’t a good idea though, she did feel that was what she felt for him but she also had no experience with it. Was that what they were doing, dating? There was no real protocol on courtship or what you might call it in the vault so it was mostly just left up to interpretation. But they had known eachother since they were one years old or so, by those standards it was late. Either way it just felt right, it wasn’t something they had yet to make official to their friends, but there hadn’t been a lot of time to discuss it before she had to go to work.  
  
The clock struck 4 pm and her workshift was over, she sighed a breath of relief, she was looking forward to meeting her friend again. They had run into eachother briefly in the morning and Amata had seemed shocked to see her. She had been so concerned about where Kitty had went off but since Kitty had been in such a hurry she had just hastily told her friend to meet her at her place after work.  
  
She couldn’t wait to tell her about all of this new happiness bubbling inside of her, she felt so grateful for all of the love she felt and for finally feeling she had found her place in a way.

* * *

  
  
She had hummed happily as she took out two nuka colas for her and her friend. Amata would be here any minute and she was excited to see the look on her face as she found out the news.  
  
The door opened and Amata came in to sit by the table but she hadn’t said anything yet.  
  
“Hi stranger, why so quiet?”  
  
Kitty chuckled and put one of the bottles in front of her friend, that was before she saw the face Amata was making, she looked… Angry.  
  
“Amata, what’s wrong?”  
  
“Tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.”  
  
Kitty felt her body stiffen, she didn’t know what her friend meant. Had she overheard them? But why would that make her angry of all things.  
  
“What do you think I did?”  
  
She answered and felt almost a little hurt. All of her joy had been sucked out of her body and now she felt like she was back to defending herself.  
  
“Did you actually fuck him?”  
  
That’s when her stomach dropped, why was she asking her in such a sour tone? She knew they had kissed, hell she had seen it and she knew that Kitty liked him. Why was this something she asked so accusingly?  
  
“Yeah actually I did, why are you talking to me as if that’s wrong of me?”  
  
Amata sighed and rubbed in between her eyebrows with her fingers.  
  
“It’s been a week, he has tortured you for 19 years and all it takes for you to forget all of that is a week huh?”  
  
That turned her sadness into anger, who was she to talk to her like she was her parent?  
  
Kitty let out a humorless chuckle, this couldn’t be real could it?  
  
“If you have such a good idea of how I should live my life maybe you should just take over it.”  
  
“Oh don’t give me that Kitty, he has made you cry, called you names and made you not want to go to school for years! How can you just ignore all of that!?”  
  
“Well maybe I thought I was allowed to make my own mistakes if I so choose, ever thought about that huh?”  
  
“What if he is just using you?”  
  
Amata didn’t look angry anymore, she looked sad and worried.  
  
“He wouldn’t do that, he promised he wouldn’t hurt me.”  
  
Amata put her face down into her hands, the room felt so quiet somehow. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, they were supposed to laugh about it and share in this newfound happiness. Why did it feel like she had done something wrong?  
  
“How do you know you can trust him? He has been nice to you for a week how can you honestly not feel any need for self-preservation at all after all you’ve been through?”  
  
Kitty didn’t know what to feel anymore, Amata had always been fiercely protective and that much she had always known. She did know that when they were younger Amata had better people skills, she had been like Kitty’s big sister and had always kept her as safe as she could… But here it just felt like she was making Kitty’s heart ache. Was she right? She couldn’t deny that if she just had that outside information it would on some logical planes make sense but… But this wasn’t logic. This was her feelings, this was her life and it couldn’t all make sense just to be considered valid.  
  
“Why don’t you wait until he’s actually proven himself to be untrustworthy before you go and decide that he is?”  
  
Amata looked up at her, tears in her eyes and Kitty just felt like she could cry too at the sight.  
  
“I couldn’t protect you when your dad left Kitty, I could just watch you have to take all of that grief on and not get a chance to get comforted. I missed you so much and I wanted to be able to protect you so much and now I am so afraid that you’re not protecting yourself!”  
  
Kitty looked down into her lap, a million different thoughts running in all different directions in her mind. She loved Amata, she was family and she was the only person that brought her joy without ever failing her for 19 years. Her instinct was to always trust Amata, to go with Amata’s judgement and not think too much on it because she knew she was all Amata had too. But this tore her in two, could she actually trust Butch? She felt like she loved him, she had given him all of her firsts but when she was actually met face to face with the question if she trusted him she couldn’t give herself a clear answer. She thought she did but when she compared that feeling with her unwavering trust for Amata it didn’t feel so clear cut anymore.  
  
“I… What do you think I should do?”  
  
Amata came and put her arms around her friend, Kitty felt her sweet scent and leaned into it.  
  
“I think you should protect yourself first, that’s what I always want. Maybe I am just transferring my own fears onto you, but I don’t want you to walk into this with a blindfold. He is still your childhood bully, he is still the leader of a gang that tormented you and me for so long. You heard him before the G.O.A.T, do you remember what he said then?”  
  
“Yes… But that was three years ago Amata.”  
  
“Yes it was, but what has actually changed down here huh? He still surrounds himself with those same friends, when you two left Wally sat there talking a big game about what you guys were probably up to. I had to smack him and try to go find you because it made me so angry. It was so disrespectful, I wouldn’t stand for it and then I couldn’t find you anywhere. Then I saw you this morning with that same dress and I just knew.”  
  
Kitty blushed as she realized that she had completely forgotten that part, she had changed into a spare vaultsuit at the clinic but going there all she had was the same thing she wore the day before. Of course Amata figured it out, but that was also a load off of her mind that she didn’t just hear it from someone else.  
  
“I… I will try to be more careful from now on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't delete this one I promise lol, I'm back on track and I'm hoping you will like where this will head in the coming chapters!


	17. It hurts more when you don't see it coming

Amata had cleaned up to the best of her abilities after the others left the day before, doing her best to make sure no traces were left behind to allude to that she had had people over. Her father was meticulous about cleanliness in their home and she did her best to maintain the place after his standards.  
  
She scrubbed a part of the floor where someone had spilled some wine, panic filling her stomach as she realized there would be a stain. She scrubbed and scrubbed, trying to use a multitude of different cleaning supplies but nothing helped. The stain would remain and she felt her stomach sink : _He is going to be so mad._  
  
She thought of different ways she could hide it but before she could figure out an inconspicuous solution she heard that dreaded sound of a key in the lock.  
  
She sat down on the stain in panic, hoping and praying he would just go to bed so she could get some time to try to find a way to conceal it.  
  
His footsteps felt like a tune eluding her to her impending death, fear filled every particle of her body. She knew what would happen if he found out. She closed her fists as if that would make a difference and ground her teeth.  
  
“Amata, why are you sitting on the floor at this hour. Shouldn’t you be in bed?”  
  
She felt his presence behind her, like a grim reaper coming to claim a soul, these moments always felt slowed down. As if the dread was somehow doing all that it could to prolong the suffering of knowing what may come.

“I was just looking for something I dropped on the floor! I went to get some water and when I went back to bed I realized I had lost an earring!”  
  
“Oh, well then by all means let me help you in your search.”  
  
“No, no, no it’s fine I’m sure you’ve had a long day!”  
  
He went down to search underneath the couch and she felt her hope diminish as he pulled out a lighter.  
  
“Who does this belong to?”  
  
“It’s mine!!”  
  
“Are you telling me you’re smoking now?”  
  
“No… I just, wanted to light a candle.”  
  
“You’re hiding something Amata, I know you are, now I am going to give you one last chance before I get really angry with you.”  
  
She knew those were empty promises, he wouldn’t spare her if he found out even if she told him before he figured it out.  
  
He went up to her and pulled her up by her hair, she could see the anger in his eyes and a glimmer of glee at this display of power.  
  
It was too late, she hadn’t been able to explain herself well enough and then she had thought before acting.  
  
“You better fucking tell me the truth or you will be sorry.”  
  
Tears prickled furiously behind her eyes, it hurt, she didn’t want to let him see her cry, it only seemed to egg him on further when he knew he was causing her pain.  
  
“I… I just had some wine and I spilled some on the floor!”  
  
She felt the pain increase, he was pulling harder on her hair, almost as if he was trying to lift her up by it.  
  
His tone was low but vicious, like he was spelling out each word like he wanted her fear to be prolonged as far as he could take it.

“You’re a minor Amata, what part in that empty head of yours led you to think you can drink before others huh? We have these rules for a reason, do you think you’re too good for them?”  
  
A tear broke free so she closed her eyes as hard as she could before answering.  
  
“No, no I’m not better, I’m so sorry daddy.”  
  
He let her go and gave her a loud slap that echoed through the apartment. She looked down onto the floor, pain going through her chest and settling in her throat to form that painful lump that she knew so well.  
  
He pushed her from the spot, seemingly already having figured out why she was sat there. He saw the stain and she heard him swear but it sounded dulled, _she wasn’t there anymore._ Then he dragged her by her wrist and locked her into the closet, locking her in for the night.  
  
He kicked the door before he spoke again, making her yelp at the sound and how the hangers shook at the impact.  
  
“This should teach you not to lie to me little girl.”  
  
He didn’t punch her, didn’t leave any marks and made sure his punishments couldn’t be made obvious to the other vault residents. After all if the overseer’s daughter was seen with a black eye what would people think then? But when he saw an opportunity to pain her he took it without a second thought.  
  
She sat in that tight space, knowing she would be stuck there until morning. This was one of his favorite ways to assert himself over her. She cried as quietly as she could as she rubbed her pained scalp, soon she would be a legal adult and could get her own place in the vault. But she wouldn’t be free of him, he could always find her.  
  
Sometimes he would have good days, where he would be unusually kind and buy her a dress or two. If she was really lucky he might even praise her during those times, but she had learned time and time again that it was only the calm before the storm.  
  
_Don’t let him close, don’t expect anything, it will hurt more if you don’t expect it to happen._


	18. The importance of trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Italics means whispering! I'm back to feeling a clear path so here's another one!

Amata had asked Kitty if she could stay the night, apparently her dad was in one of those moods and she didn’t really want to go home. Kitty didn’t actually know much about Amata’s relationship with her father but she knew enough from her own experience not to question her about it.  
  
They went out to the cafeteria together to buy some food when they saw the tunnelsnakes in the distance. Before Amata’s and her conversation Kitty wouldn’t have though too much about running into them at this point, but now it felt like something she wanted to avoid. She wasn’t ready to deal with these conflicting feelings of hers yet and she sure as hell didn’t want them to mix up with her anger towards Wally. Amata took ahold of her arm and looked to her friend to decide what they should do. Kitty gestured for them to take a detour, it would make for a longer walk but atleast it would be less dramatic.  
  
Amata went about trying to pick out the food, she was a good cook and since they so rarely got to spend time together just the two of them she was taking her time thinking what they should make.  
  
Kitty just tagged along mostly, she wanted to cheer her friend up and herself too at this point.  
  
She felt a strong hand pulling her shoulder back and there he was.  
  
He was just as perfect as usual, pulling her close to him while she heard wolf whistles in the background.  
  
“Shit, no need to show off!” Wally muttered from somewhere she couldn’t place.  
  
He was warm, his smell intoxicated her again and she just wanted to hide against him.  
_  
“Why did you just walk past me like that Kat.”  
  
_ She froze, of course he noticed, hadn’t she figured that out during their time together. Butch was nothing if not perceptive, that both angered and endeared her. She just wanted to be close to him forever again.  
  
_“Well neither of us were alone so what did you want me to do? Should I have catcalled you?”  
  
“Of course, how else would I know it was you after all.”_  
  
She punched him in the stomach as she drew back to look up at him, a smile on her face again. But then she remembered Amatas words, she should be cautious.  
  
She tried to move back but he wasn’t accepting that, trapping her in his arms for a while longer.  
  
“Hey, I think you lovebirds had enough fun yesterday, no need to cling onto eachother now too.”  
  
“Shut the fuck up Wally.” Butch growled  
  
The warmth she had appreciated before turned to a chill, had he told him? I mean sure Wally was his best friend (she thought?) but anyone who knew him knew Wally couldn’t keep a secret to save his life.  
  
She pulled back a little harder and this time Butch let go, she looked up to see his eyebrow raised. Why was he surprised? Did he think she enjoyed Wally’s comments? They were in a public space after all.  
  
“You know you’re a real asshole Wally.” Amata grumbled from behind Kitty, she had come over now but Kitty hadn’t noticed until she felt her friends warmth at her back.  
  
“Oh come on, if ya didn’t want me to talk about it you should’ve been more discreet about it.”  
  
Kitty felt angry, she wanted to punch him but she didn’t know what good it would do.  
  
She looked up to Butch and he looked like he was trying to search her for something. Like he was already onto something being different. That was the great downfall of having known him forever, even if he did mostly torment her he would no doubt have more than one opportunity to learn her tells.  
  
Amata came up next to her and whispered to her.  
  
_“You want me to leave you alone or back you up? Wally might give you a harder time if it’s just you, I mean I told you how he went on yesterday.”_  
  
_“I… I’m fine, you can go and pick stuff out and come back here when you’re done.”_  
  
”I’ll be as quick as I can.”  
  
And then it was just Kitty and the tunnelsnakes. Well Paul had been silent this entire time, but that was how he always acted when it was a tunnelsnakes thing.  
  
As Butch noticed Amata leaving he pulled Kitty with him, leaving his friends behind to ask him where he was going off to.  
  
He led her around the corner to a more secluded area before he pressed her up against the wall and leaned his arm above her head to look down on her.  
  
“Why are you being weird Kitty Kat.”  
  
“Aren’t you being a little bit paranoid?”  
  
“No, I saw that look on your face as you walked off, you looked like you were sad and I know for a fact you’ve been feeling a lot of shit since our thing started that I’ve had to drag outta ya. I won’t let you simmer in whatever you’re feeling if something is wrong.”  
  
“It’s just…”  
  
“What? What is it?”  
  
“I just have a hard time wrapping my heads around things is all.”  
  
“What is it you don’t understand? What is it that’s left unclear Kitty Kat? I don’t want to play games with you but you have this way of leaving me to try and find clues before you actually tell me what it is you’re thinking.”  
  
“I can’t leave Amata right now okay? Shes in there shopping so this isn’t the best time okay?”  
  
“Are ya sad or something?”  
  
“Butch, no it’s just a lot to wrap my head around having you go from someone I feared to someone I love!”  
  
“Yeah I can get that and that’s why I would rather know sooner rather than later!”  
  
“Can I trust you is what I don’t know.”  
  
That struck him, as soon as the words came out of her mouth she saw an expression on his face that could only be described as hurt. Like he couldn’t believe she would even question it to begin with and then followed her sense of guilt.  
  
“Butch I…”  
  
“No, no you’ve said enough, go back to your friend okay. I don’t wanna have this conversation here, I just fucking don’t okay.”  
  
He walked off at a brisk pace and she just stood there for a while after seeing him walk off. She felt even more confused now but she felt she had done something wrong. The worst thing about it was that she just couldn’t understand why he would be hurt, he had bullied her her whole life was she just supposed to forget that? It didn’t seem fair, but then again he had done everything he could to make her feel safe thus far, he had promised her not to hurt her intentionally again and made her feel so sure of their time together. But there was a lot to consider, it had all went by so fast, it was all so intoxicating, was it really wrong for her to not be sure yet?  
  
She sank down against the wall, hiding her face in her arms as she cried. How had all of this happened? It had only been a day, why couldn’t this happiness have lasted more than a fucking day.  
  
She felt warm arms around her and that familiar sweet scent filling her nostrils.  
  
“I’m sorry Kitty.”  
  
“No, no don’t be sorry, you’ve got nothing to be sorry about.”  
  
“I should’ve shut up.”  
  
They sat there for a while, Kitty cried against her friends shoulder until she just had those after crying hiccups left. She had cried more times this last week than she had in the last 10 months combined, why did it all have to be so hard.  
  
  
They walked back to her apartment, going arm in arm. Amata had told Kitty she would be the one making the food but Kitty had insisted on helping, she needed to keep herself occupied. She couldn’t just be left alone with her thoughts right now, at some point she would be and then she would probably overanalyze to a painful point but she didn’t want that now. She felt like she had ruined everything one moment only to then in the next moment feel like he was the one to be immature.  
  
Her and Amata was trying their hands at a noodlesoup with cram, it was easy enough to make and it wasn’t overtly healthy. They had snacks for later but Kitty didn’t have that much of an appetite, which was strange for her since her coping mechanism of choice for the longest time had been comforteating.  
  
She just wanted to go watch a flick, maybe have a drink and then go to bed. She was grateful for Amata’s company though. She would probably be in a much worse state if Amata wasn’t there trying to cheer her up throughout. Then she realized that Amata had been the one that were going to sleep over since she’d had a rough day too so she forced herself to perk up. It shouldn’t all be on her friend to lighten the mood.  
  
That’s what they had always done, they looked out for eachother, protected eachother and cheered eachother up when stuff was hard.  
  
But now Kitty couldn’t help but think of Butch, what he was thinking and whether she should go to him. But she couldn’t, she needed to be there for her friend first.  


* * *

  
  
Butch had walked off, he was fuming, he felt that familiar anger from his younger days bubble up inside of him. The anger that he used to conceal any other emotions, you couldn’t be vulnerable if you were a guy, it wasn’t manly and that for some reason hade been imprinted into his mind was a part of what gave him worth.  
  
“Fucks sake Butch, what’s your problem? You talk to nosebleed after being all cuddly and now you seem to be all over the place.”  
  
“Shut the fuck up Wally, I don’t wanna think about it. I just don’t want to fucking think about it right now.”  
  
“Well hell, why didn’t ya just say so. Paulie, what can we do to take his mind off of things?”  
  
“Well… I guess we could go to the reactor, was going to go meet Christine and Susie there anyhow.”  
  
“Well there ya go Butchie, how about we go to the reactor to take our minds off?”  
  
“Yeah.. As long as there’s some stiff drinks consider me there.”  
  
“Ah shit, don’t ya know that’s a given when you hang out with us.”  
  
The tunnel snakes went together for the night, but all Butch could think about was Kitty. He tried so fucking hard but nothing seemed to be enough for that girl and it was starting to wear on him. She didn’t trust him huh? Well why should he care then, she should stay with Amata like she always did if that was so much better.  


* * *

  
  
Kitty looked down into her bowl, feeling saddened by the confusion of it all.  
  
“Well on a brighter note, Freddie asked me out finally!”  
  
She could tell Amata was trying to ease the tension and she was grateful for it.  
  
“It’s about time! Have you set a date yet?”  
  
“Well we were gonna go eat dinner this week, I feel nervous about it though. I mean it just doesn’t come naturally to me you know, this whole putting yourself out on a line and whatnot. I know that’s a part of growing and all but it’s scary you know.”  
  
“Yeah… It’s terrifying, because for all the good things there’s always that chance you’ll have your heart broken.”


	19. No more games

Butch drank, he drank and drank until when he bit his lower lip there was no pain, he remembered his mother using that to measure the amount she had to drink, if you still feel the sting of the bite you're not drunk enough. He felt like his feelings where all over the place, he had done his best, he had given Kitty all that he could muster and he was so angry that that hadn’t seemed to be enough. On a rational plane he understood, he had pulled her hair and called her names, probably adding to that insecurity. But what he couldn’t handle was how she seemed to be this puzzle where no matter how many pieces he tried to add nothing was enough. It reminded him of his mother, there was nothing he could do. At some point there was a limit and when he got to that point he had to accept it was above his powers what he could do. He realized that what she had given him was meaningful, he knew she was a virgin and she had become his first as well to boot. But his love didn’t cure her insecurities and he felt hopeless. Why wasn’t him doing what he could enough?  
  
He looked over to Susie, she had been sad the whole night because Freddie had asked Amata out. Susie said she had tried so hard and that struck a cord with him. He allowed her to cry out against him, he felt a little jealous that it felt like he couldn’t cry, he just felt empty. But then she tried to kiss him and he felt angry.   
  
“Fucks sake Susie, read the room.”  
  
“Why are you loyal to her? She turned away from you too right? You’re just like me, you’re never going to be enough so why not huh? Why shouldn’t we take comfort from eachother?”  
  
“Because for fucks sakes Susie, why would you try to use me to mend your wounds huh? Freddie never fucking tried to get close to you and sometimes shit doesn’t work okay. But that’s no reason for you to throw yourself at me. Would you walk away feeling better?”  
  
Susie thought about it, she was very quiet for a while, still steadying herself on his shoulder as she did.  
  
“I know, I know it’s not fair. It’s not fair for you and it’s not fair to me, but what else can we do in this vault you know? If it doesn’t work out for you and Kitty where else would you find love? If it doesn’t work out for me and Freddie where would I find it? There are no options, this place gives us nothing and expects us to just accept it.”  
  
“I know Susie, I fucking know, but that doesn’t mean you and I should search eachother out. That just means we should make sure that fucking overseer doesn’t keep us trapped in here. It’s his fucking fault.”  
  
“Yeah… Yeah you’re fucking right.”  
  
She stood up, wobbly on her feet, but still determined, she seemed to make her mind up and the people present all looked up at her questioning what she was about to do.  
  
“Hey Wally, you do realize if you want to ever find love your options have run out unless you pick up where Butch left of don’t you, there are no girls left that you aren’t related to here that aren’t spoken for.”  
  
“Fuck Susie, why do you have to bring me down, I was having such a good time.”  
  
“No, no, I am trying to push you into gear you weirdo. We need to go get that overseer to let us out there. I mean fucking think about it, were going to have to fucking inbreed at some point if we’re going to survive this place.”  
  
Wally looked down into his bottle, taking another generous swig before sputtering out his answer.  
  
“Yeah, you’re right, at this rate there won’t be any Mack’s in this next generation.”  
  
“Dad will protect you and me, without him the overseer has no one. We gotta get him to let us out, if we don’t were dead. Our genes will be dead and our lives will just be us looking at other people, wondering what could’ve been.”  
  
  
  
Kitty and Amata fell asleep in the big bed, thankful for the comfort of eachothers company, then they were rudely awoken as they heard that eerily familiar alarm go off.  
  
“Fuck what now, what the fuck could be going on at this hour?” Amata sputtered as she turned around and tried to block the noise out with the pillow.  
  
Amata was never one to swear, but she was the furthest thing from a morning person Kitty had ever seen. It was cute seeing her friend in the morning with her hair all messed up, swearing like a sailor.   
  
“I don’t know, but I think we can atleast rule out that my dad has left again.”  
  
Kitty didn’t want to go up and see what was going on, but the alarm wasn’t exactly something they could block out.  
  
“Fuck, we’re going to have to see what’s going on aren’t we?”   
  
Amata muttered through her pillow, her hair had escaped her usual ponytail and it was so cute and messy Kitty laughed at the sight of it.  
  
“Yeah, but you need to brush your hair out because you’re looking too cute for me not to punch you if you don’t.”  
  
Amata threw her pillow at her friend and giggled, sitting up to try to collect herself, the occasional swearword could still be heard from her as Kitty got up to get her vaultsuit.  
  
The girls managed to get dressed, but they weren’t in as much of a hurry as they had been last time. What was the worst that could happen anyway?  
  
  
  
They went to the center of the vault to see their friends screaming at the overseer.  
  
“We want out old man and you can’t stop us!” Wally was holding onto the overseers collar, Alphonse Almodovar might’ve been an intimidating figure back when they were small but now Wally towered over him.  
  
“Leave him alone!”  
  
Kitty heard Amata shout to intervene but she herself didn’t know if she actually thought enough of the overseer to protect him. He was the reason Jonas was dead and sure she loved Amata but her father could go to hell for all she cared.  
  
“Stay out of this Amata, we’re putting forth a really reasonable request here and instead of listening your father just insulted us.”  
  
“Of course I did! You’re being ridiculous youngsters, you have no clue what’s out there yet you’re still going to tell me I’m the unreasonable one for protecting you!”  
  
“You’re not protecting us old man, if it’s as bad as you say we can simply turn back can’t we? So what are you so afraid that we might find out huh?”  
  
“If you take one breath of that radiated air you’re dead you hear!”  
  
“And why should I take your word for it huh? You’re not known for being a beacon of truth old man, have you forgotten who my dad is? Yeah, I know shit and I know enough to know that either you let go of that idiotic fear of yours or were not going to last in here for much longer. There aren’t enough people in here to sustain the population for fucks sake, we have maybe one or two generations left until we all gotta stick within the family.”  
  
“For fucks sake Mack, let go off me or you’re going into the arrest until you’re in your 50s.”  
  
“Oh yeah? Cuz last I heard you run this place at the good grace of our dad, you think he’s gonna choose you over his own flesh and blood?” Susie chimed in, coming up behind her brother to act as support.  
  
The overseer seemed to realize his disadvantage but he didn’t budge.  
  
“Let us out, last warning old man before I beat you into a pulp.”  
  
“Do your worst you punk, see what happens. You think you can all survive without me? Well guess what, you can’t, I run this vault and without my knowledge how will you sustain it huh?”  
  
Wally was getting annoyed, he wasn’t known for having a good temper to begin with and now he was clearly drunk above it all.   
  
Amata had taken a backseat during the conversation, she just stood behind to observe, her father’s collar still in Wally’s hand. Kitty suspected it was more so her trying to overlook the situation rather than to dissuade it, her friend was to her knowledge not overtly protective of her father after all.  
  
She lazily looked around the room, being tired from having been woken up so early. The regular gang was there apart from Freddie. She wondered why he wasn’t with them but didn’t have the energy to think to hard about it. Then she saw Butch and she felt her breath hitch, so he was with them after all?  
  
She felt a hit of jealousy which she knew was undeserved, she hadn’t exactly been warm to him earlier and it felt selfish of her to seemingly want him to herself even now. But she felt her heart yearn from him, like her body was screaming at her for denying herself this happiness he brought her. She didn't care if it would be hard, she just didn't want to give up out of some stupid fear. She wanted to run over to him, to tell him she was sorry and that she wouldn’t let her fear get in the way of them again. She didn’t want him to hurt, he had done so much to try and protect her from being hurt, it should be her turn to do the same now.  
  
  
He noticed her looking but didn’t want to meet her eyes, he was drunk out of his mind and he couldn’t allow her to see through him. That’s when the thought hit him, Susie had offered hadn’t she? He may not want to actually do stuff with her but nosebleed didn’t know that, so how about he let her feel a bit of what it felt like to not be good enough huh?  
  
He went up behind Susie and whispered to her  
  
"Hey, wanna help me with somethin?"  
  
“Yeah sure, what is it?”  
  
“Maybe what they need is to be jealous huh? If we give them the same shit they’re trying to give us it might turn the cards in our favor.”  
  
Susie purred at the idea and looked over to where Kitty stood, she was definitely looking alright. She made Butch feel what she felt regarding Freddie, Butch had always been nice to her. Since he hung around Wally so much he was her friend too, her and Amata thought they were so much better huh? She turned back and pressed her lips against his.  
  
  
  
Kitty froze on the spot, this wasn’t happening, no, he promised. He fucking promised he wouldn’t hurt her intentionally again, he fucking promised.  
  
She had to go, she couldn’t stay here, no she didn’t want to watch this anymore, this was too much.  
  
  
  
Butch pushed her away as soon as her lips met his.   
  
“What the fuck are you doing Susie, I mean like we were going to just act like shit was happening not that we actually would do shit.”  
  
He wiped his mouth on his arm, she had been wearing some weird lipgloss that had stuck to him.  
  
“Oops, sorry I just assumed you wanted her to hurt like you and I are.”  
  
“No you idiot I just wanted her to be shaken up a little not to actually… Wait where did she go?”

 

  
  
  
She ran, she ran and ran until she couldn’t run anymore. She didn’t know where to go, she was stuck, stuck in this cage that had tormented her her entire life. She should’ve followed her dad, he might be a shit dad but atleast he was the devil she knew. Her tears were stuck in her throat, she couldn’t breathe, she needed to get away. That’s when the idea struck her, she could leave, her dad had left so why couldn’t she!? She might die out there but it felt like it would be preferable to this place, out there they couldn’t hurt her anymore.   
  
  
  


Butch ran after her, frantically looking after her, fuck, fuck this wasn’t what he wanted. He was just trying to be a little immature about shit not to do this to her, she had had trust issues how could he have been so stupid. He needed to find her, couldn’t allow her to think he had meant that to happen and even if his own idea wasn’t much better he didn’t mean for it to be this bad.   
  
  
  


  
“What the fuck are you doing Wally?! Stop it!!” Amata shouted   
  
“This fucker wants us to be stuck in here, not having anything to live for and just waste away. I won’t fucking allow that to happen, I won't just fucking sit here and wait for death!”  
  
Wally was beating down on the old man, he was the reason he wouldn’t have a life, he was what stood in the way of it all and his smug face was infuriating. He beat down against it, feeling a crack of the bone of the old man’s jaw before he finally fell back.    
  
Amata stared down to her father lying in front of her, his eyes were closed and his face was covered in blood. Had Wally killed him? She sat down to search for a heartbeat, he hadn’t been beating him for that long so she had against her better judgement just allowed it to go on. It felt good to see her father get a taste of his own medicine, but she didn’t want him to die. She heard his heart still beating and looked around after Kitty. Her father needed a doctor quickly, but her heart sank when she realized her friend wasn’t there. Where the fuck had she run off to!?  
  
  
  
  
 Kitty saw the vaultdoor in the distance, the guards had abandoned it when the alarm rang. The timing was perfect, this was the best chance she would ever get to leave all of this bullshit behind her.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked for more feels and I delivered


	20. You don't need to tell me twice

She felt a humorless chuckle escape her as she saw the small door in the distance, light searching its way through the cracks. What time was it? She didn’t want to wait and see, feeling that every second could count. If she didn’t do it now she wouldn’t be doing it ever. She pushed the frail door open and closed her eyes as she took her first breath of outside air.  
  
She stumbled out, she had managed to bring along a baseball bat and a 10 mm that was left along the way by whoever and the first thing she felt was blinding light.  
  
She fell down on her knees, praying to a god she didn’t quite believe in, asking for her life. For mercy and guidance, she didn’t feel like she had ever believed in a god and hell she still didn’t feel like she did. But she felt like she was at deaths door, trying out any way she could to be granted her life to continue.  
  
As her eyes slowly got used to the light she gasped, the view in front of her seemed endless. But it wasn’t beautiful, it all seemed to be just ruins.

* * *

  
  
Butch searched desperately after her, calling after her as he rounded different corners, he had lost her along the way and he cursed himself. He was still drunk out of his mind and his body didn’t want to maintain this search, but he pushed through. He couldn’t let her just think he had left her as soon as he could. He couldn’t have her thinking like that about him, she was the first true happiness he’d felt in this cage. He couldn’t let her heart break when he might be able to mend it.  
  
  
Officer Allen Mack had come to the scene were the overseer laid lifeless on the floor, he didn’t waste time trying to find out the guilty party as he saw his own son with bloodied knuckles. He simply picked the old man up and brought him to the clinic.  
  
Stevie went up to his brother, his face a mixture between anger and confusion. Green eyes spotting his little brothers blood covered fist and he realized he must’ve been the one that did it.  
  
“Where’s Kat?”  
  
“I don’t know, she just ran off.” Susie answered, not feeling like disclosing the circumstances around the whole thing.  
  
“Is there anyone else here with any kind of medical training?”  
  
An unexpected person entered the room, Brotch had come to see what all the fuss was about but he had heard Stevie’s words along the way:  
  
“I know the basics, I can stand in for Kitty.”  
  
“Fair enough, then follow me.”

* * *

  
  
  
Kitty had managed to walk through a pile of rubble, mailboxes and what appeared to have once been buildings in front of her. She felt like she had made a massive mistake, this was a wasteland. How would she ever survive out here? She hadn’t even seen any people along the way, were the vaultdwellers really the last people in America? Had the overseer spoken the truth all along?  
  
She felt her hope diminish as she walked along the gravel, hearing her boots grind against small rocks, a strange sensation. She had read about the outside world before the war, had a fair idea of how it might look, or atleast she had thought so. But this was nothing like what she had expected. The eerie silence was brought to an end as she saw a flying round robot round the corner, loud sounds coming from its speakers. Her only experience with robots had been with Andy, he was friendly enough but she readied her gun just in case, jumpy at every sign of movement that crossed her way. But it just passed her by, she followed it with her eyes and she felt the wind blow her hair so that it flew around her face.  
  
She heard the sounds of drops hitting the ground and as she felt one fall on her skin she felt it burn. This wasn’t good, this water was no doubt irradiated and she needed to seek shelter fast.  
  
She saw a house that looked less demolished than the others and entered, being greeted immediately by an unnaturally blonde woman around her same age.  
  
“Hey, who the hell are you?! Where did you come from?! Did Moriarty send you?!”  
  
“Who’s Moriarty?”  
  
“Colin Moriarty… The owner of Moriarty’s saloon in Megaton. That sack of shit is convinced that I’m some crazy junkie who stole money from him!”  
  
Kitty felt like the situation was strangely ironic, here she had just stumbled out from a vault and the first person she encounters seemed to be more scared than her.  
  
“Look, miss I’m not sent by anyone I was just looking around.”  
  
“Horseshit, you expect me to believe you just wandered out of thin air and stumbled upon my house?”  
  
“Believe what you want but I think the fact that I’m not pressing you for money or threatening you should be enough to show you my intentions aren’t harmful.”  
  
“Maybe you’re just waiting for me to trust you? For me to turn my back on you so you can stab it!”  
  
“Look lady, if I was so set on killing you stealthily why would I wander in here this early in the morning and make myself known to you?”  
  
“Okay… Fair point, but I don’t trust ya that much I want us to be clear about.”  
  
“I will be out of your hair as soon as the rain stops alright? You can keep an eye on me the whole time if you need to feel in control, It’s not like I’m big and scary to begin with.”  
  
The other woman snorted at the comment and looked her up and down.  
  
“You’re right about that much.”  
  
Kitty sank down to sit on the floor, listening at the sound of waterdrops hitting the ground outside. There was something strangely soothing about it, it was as if this endless roof of the outside was crying. She felt her own tears creep up again but she furiously wiped them away. If Butch was that much of a whore that he just went to Susie after such a short time he didn’t deserve her tears.  
  
“Hey, you alright?”  
  
She looked towards the other woman that somehow seemed concerned, Kitty wiped her eyes on the back of her hand and mustered a weak smile.  
  
“Yeah, I will be, men am I right?”  
  
A louder snort escaped the other woman this time.  
  
“Ain’t that the truth.”

* * *

  
  
“This is all your fault!”  
  
Amata screamed, she had run through the vault and found Butch sitting by the vault entrance. He was staring out into nothing, his body had seemed to not want to cooperate anymore.  
  
“You stupid idiot! You just fucking had to go and fucking play with her and now look what you’ve done? She’s nowhere to be found and my dad needs medical attention!”  
  
He looked at her, looking up into her dark brown eyes, they almost looked red with fury. He opened his hand and Amata looked over at the movement before she let out a small gasp.  
  
He had found Kitty’s hairtie.  
  
“Where did you find that?” Amata asked, her voice uncertain  
  
“By that door over there.” He answered, still without seemingly any emotion.  
  
“What do you mean by that door!? Are you saying she left!?”  
  
“I don’t fucking know Amata, but what I do know is that I found it over by that fucking door and I can’t find her anywhere else!”  
  
Amata’s mouth hung open, she brought her hands up to her ears and looked dejectedly towards the door. _She wouldn’t, no she wouldn’t just fucking leave her like this, she wouldn’t just fucking leave her._  
  
“She wouldn’t you’re fucking lying! She wouldn’t just fucking leave me like that, she’s all I have!”  
  
Silent tears erupted from her eyes before her focus shifted from sadness to fury as she continued.  
  
“This is your fucking fault, you just fucking couldn’t keep it in your fucking pants and now you broke her heart just like I knew you would!”  
  
He looked up at her and suddenly the puzzlepieces fell into place.  
  
“You were the reason she was being so weird weren’t you?”  
  
He stood up, his eyes filled with rage. Amata took a few steps back, he was much bigger than her after all.  
  
“I told her what I thought, you’ve hardly had a great history. You’ve harassed me for years and you were straight up cruel to her!”  
  
“I know that alright?! I know that I’ve been an ass but she made me feel like I might be able to be better!”  
  
“At what cost Butch? Would you fumble your way through hurting her again and again until you finally feel you’ve grown enough huh? Oh don’t give me that fucking look, I know how the tale goes, your kind is all the same, you say you’re trying to be better but then you believe it and before you know it you’re back where you started.”  
  
Butch closed his fists and looked down on the ground. He knew what she was talking about, it rang a bell in him remembering his moms empty promises.  
  
“Amata I don’t know what you’ve been through, but what I do know is that I deserved atleast one chance before you wrote me off like that.”  
  
Now it was her turn to look down, she felt conflicted, he had a point she supposed, but that didn’t change that her friend might be out there.  
  
“Tell you what Butch, I will give you that fair shot, I will stay out of your shit unless she asks for my opinion from here on out. But for that to happen you fucking have to go get her.”  
  
“Don’t have to tell me twice.” He murmured as he passed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I even drew Butch because I'm such a massive stan of his. 
> 
> if you're interested here's a link: https://helenaamell.tumblr.com/post/172772183862/ive-written-an-18-chapter-fic-about-this-meathead


	21. Accidents do happen

A few hours went by before Alphonse Almodovar reawoke, it was dark in the clinic sake for one lamp by his bed that revealed Brotch sitting there reading a book.  
  
He was still very weak and his hands and feet were tied down for some reason.  
  
“Ah, you’re awake.”  
  
“How long…?”  
  
“I would say about 3 hours or so.”  
  
“And the Mack kid?”  
  
“He’s in a cell, his dad figured he might need to sleep it off.”  
  
Alphonse let out an annoyed growl, this wouldn’t be something that would be easy to fix. It was true that his power for a big part relied on the Mack family and he doubted that Allen would put his safety over his son’s.  
  
He looked up to see an IV in his arm, before returning his gaze to Brotch.  
  
“Why are my hands tied down?”  
  
“Ah, I did that.”  
  
“Why? Did I have a seizure?”  
  
“No, no, I just wanted to wait until you woke up so I could inform you of what is next to come.”  
  
Brotch closed the book before he brought up an empty syringe from the bedside table, holding it in his hand and inspecting it like it was something far more interesting than it was.  
  
“You know I’ve never thought much of you as a leader, you’re too selfish to see what’s better for the people living down here. You desiring power above your own child’s wellbeing is a perfect example of that.”  
  
“I do what’s best for this vault Edwin, I don’t expect you to understand why I do the things I do.”  
  
“No, your concerns have never been about anyone else. I’ve of course been a part of the problem for the longest time, I saw the problems too clearly in front of me for me to have any excuses. I spent more time with those kids than most and hell I wasn’t always the best teacher but I was convinced I did all I could.”  
  
Alphonse pulled at his restraints then, feeling his fear take  a firm grip of him as if telling him he needed to get away and fast.  
  
“Brotch I don’t know what you’re getting at, listen I do realize that not having any students anymore must be tiring for you but I can give you a different job okay? We can figure something out.”  
  
Edwin Brotch chuckled to himself, it was a rare treat seeing the overseer in such a position. He always seemed like a sadistic bastard and here he was, looking like a terrified child more than anything else.  
  
“Let me go Brotch! I will end you if you don’t release me right now!”  
  
“You know I always wondered what made you think you had the right to dictate these children’s lives, it was so obvious more than one of them suffered at the hands of their own parents, Amata included. They’ve been raised without ever having anyone to turn to, can you imagine that Alphonse? Can you imagine being helpless and just having to accept your fate, no matter how unfair it might seem?”  
  
The overseer struggled frantically, he didn’t know exactly what would happen but he knew his only chance was escape. But sadly his captor had secured both his legs and arms tightly enough that no amount of struggling would make a difference.  
  
“Why would you do this? This vault won’t make it without my guidance, no one else has the training for this job. You will all be lost without me!”  
  
“Amata will do a great job I’m sure, she has already had to take on the burden of trying to appease you for so long, I think our wellbeing’s will be in better hands with her anyhow.”  
  
“You would kill Amata’s father? Are you willing to have that on your conscience?”  
  
Brotch continued to ignore the panicked ramblings from the old man, not actually being interested in what he had to say. He had prepared what to say as he had waited for the man to wake up and he needed to make it known now. For himself as much as this monster realizing his impending demise.  
  
“Whereas I decided I wasn’t father material it seemed other vault parents didn’t step back to ask themselves that same question and I allowed it to continue for years after seeing it. I never had an opportunity to do anything about it, all I could ever hope is that one day if such an opportunity presented itself that I would be man enough to make that final leap.”  
  
He stood up then, the older man struggled still but the fear in his eyes seemed to allude to him realizing there was no escape.  
  
“Why…?” Was all Alphonse could mutter as the other man closed in on him.  
  
“As I saw that girl crying to me, this girl I saw as my own child for the longest time be genuinely hurt as a result of what I did I realized something you see. I had prioritized my own comfort above their wellbeing. She was comforted by this kid that I had labelled as a failure, he was being more of a man than I was and that angered me. But above all it made me feel shame, I could’ve done more and I pray to god I can undo some of the damage I allowed to happen right in front of my own eyes.”  
  
Brotch sighed to himself and his eyes regained its previous focus onto the syringe in his hand before he continued speaking.  
  
“Do you know what happens when enough air enters an IV? You can either end up with a stroke, a heart attack or even respiratory failure.”  
  
“If you knew all that why didn’t you become the doctor?”  
  
“Because then you would’ve had that poor girl killed.”  
  
He pulled the needle back to its full capacity, filling it with air before piercing the tube of the IV bag causing a massive airbubble to form and all the overseer could do was watch as it entered his bloodstream.  
  
The heart monitor went crazy, but Brotch didn’t look away as he saw the old man finally meet his demise.  
  
“Such a shame someone changes an IV without knowing how to properly check it beforehand. But that is no one’s fault, it is just what happens sometimes when a new doctor has to take over.”


	22. How one should act

Kitty had stumbled across the different rocky slopes until she saw a structure that fitted Silver’s description in the distance. She knew that was where she needed to head but she felt terror at the thought of what kind of a place it would be, on her way over she had had enough luck to only come across radroaches and the like. She had never had to kill another person and she didn’t want to start now.   
  
She entered the town and gasped at the sight, it was more of what she had already seen but it seemed a hub of activity in comparison to the rest of the wasteland. She could hear the chatter of people and as she looked around she saw them walking along makeshift catwalks connecting smaller buildings to eachother. As she tried to tried to process her surroundings a man approached her, he was wearing a strange hat and had a large rifle strapped over his shoulder.   
  
The man steered her in the direction of Moriarty’s saloon and she knew that was where she wanted to go. She still hadn’t made her mind up regarding whether she should try to find her father or not, but from her books she gathered a saloon would be the best place for her to find work. The mayor, Lucas Simms was his name, had pointed out a giant bomb and had informed her that it was still active. It felt surreal to her, she had never come face to face with a bomb before but she knew enough about them to think it a ridiculous idea to build a city around one. It was like some strange kind of suicidal impulse, which could be further proven by some loons worshipping the damned thing.   
  
She felt homesick already, atleast in the vault she knew what was going on and could discuss things with people while feeling they were operating on the same wavelength. But out here it was like she was a foreigner and everyone else had a manual on how to behave apart from her.  
  
She opened the door to the saloon and went up to the bar, feeling her mouth fall open as the bartender turned around. She had only seen a corpse once before, Agnes Taylor’s body had been sent to her to determine cause of death. It was apparent enough considering her health issues but this poor man was walking and talking, but he still looked worse for wear than Agnes had.  
  
He looked like he had just stood up after decomposing for atleast a few days. Again she felt eerily uncomfortable, how was she supposed to act? She didn’t want to simply brush of the man, he was a bartender so he must be nice enough right?  
  
She shut her mouth before trying to talk to him in a slightly shivering voice.  
  
“Um, hi, I’m looking for a mr. Moriarty? Could you tell me where he is please?”   
  
“What, you’re not gonna say something degrading? No harassments or punches?”  
  
She felt like she had been caught acting weird and she didn’t know how to respond.  
  
“I’m… Sorry? Am I supposed to?”  
  
He looked shocked at her question, fuck she knew she would make an ass of herself, it was only a matter of time.   
  
Then he threw his head back and let out a hearty innocent laugh that made her smile despite her nervousness.  
  
“No, no, I’m just so used to being treated like crap I guess I’ve started to expect it. Sorry about that, you can have a drink on the house, but don’t tell Moriarty. He went out a minute ago and should be back soon enough.”  
  
He put up a glass of vodka for her and she felt he had given her a lifeline as she swung the horrendous liquid back, hoping to god Moriarty wouldn’t be back before it kicked in.   
  
“Watch it there smoothskin, wouldn’t want ya to be passed out here. All kinds of shady people around here.”  
  
“But you’re nice right?”   
  
She sputtered out, she was so on edge that she saw his brief kindness as something she wanted to cling onto.  
  
“Of course.”  
  


* * *

  
  
“He’s… He’s dead? But how?”  
  
Amata’s shock at the news had her searching for somewhere to sit. She had come to check up on her father and had found Brotch and Stanley. Stanley knew how to pray for the departed and that was a rare enough quality in this vault.   
  
“I’m sorry Amata, it wasn’t due to the beating I can assure you of that much and he didn’t suffer. I went to grab a cup of coffee and he had flat lined during that short time. There was nothing anyone could’ve done, he was an older man after all and sometimes we don’t catch up on health issues until something like this happens.”  
  
Amata fell down to sit down in the office chair Kitty used to sit in, feeling defeated knowing she wasn’t there to provide her with comfort. She was angry about it to some extent, but her friend couldn’t have known after all. Instead she focused her anger towards Deloria and that Mack bastard. Per usual those two caused her nothing but grief and now she would have to become overseer even though she herself was just barely 20 years old.  
  
“Fine, right, well you know what to do and I need to go sort through my dad’s files and try my best to take charge of this sinking ship. It might do me good to focus on work to take my mind off of this.”  
  
“You want some time with his body sweetheart?” Stanley asked as he had finished with her father’s last rites.  
  
She stood up and looked over to look at her father’s sheet covered body.  
  
“No, I don’t think there’s anything I can say and he’s not here anymore anyhow.”  
  
Even though she said that she felt her tears creep up to drop from her eyes when she walked towards the overseer’s office, her office now she supposed. He was her father after all, no matter how shitty he was but she knew her tears weren’t ones of grief. Her tears were due to her relief, she had never dreamed of escaping him and now she would never have to worry about it anymore. It felt like a massive weight had dropped off her shoulders and the relief brought shame down upon her that she begged that her work could distract her from.  
  


* * *

  
Gob hadn’t expected that the vault girl would be such a light weight but now he worried as he saw her unsteady posture sitting on her barstool. He saw the man wearing sunglasses in the distance seemingly sizing her up and he felt that he needed to warn her.  
  
“Hey, sweetheart don’t look behind ya but you’ve got an admirer and I suggest you don’t engage with him.”  
  
Kitty had been deep in thought as he spoke to her and turned her head around wildly despite his urging her not to. She scoped out the man he had mentioned and found herself meeting his gaze, or atleast she thought she did. It was hard to tell when he had those sunglasses on, indoors no less.  
  
“What’s his problem?”  
  
She said a little too loudly as she turned back to Gob, her intoxication making her braver.  
  
“Your guess is as good as mine, he pays for his drinks and mostly sits around. But his sunglasses in this dim place tell me just instinctively that he’s bad news.”  
  
Gob answered, his tone still hushed as he focused on cleaning out a glass and tried desperately to remain on the down low. That man wasn’t as kind as this girl was and he had to send Nova to give him his drinks for fear of being punched.  
  
“Better ignore him I’d say.”  
  
He muttered and looked up to the girl but saw to his great distress that she was wobbling over to the suitclad man. Fuck, didn’t she have any sense of selfpreservation or was she just dumb?


	23. And then the world stopped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll again so heres another chapter

“Hey asswipe, what’re you lookin’ at huh?”  
  
“Such a foul mouth accompanying such a nice face, I just thought you looked like a perfect candidate for a little job offer I wanted to offer you. You look like you take more care about your appearance than this speck of a town combined.”  
  
She couldn’t figure out what he meant, sure she was clean still since she’d until so recently had access to showers and whatnot. But she was just wearing her vaultsuit and had light makeup on from habit. Surely she wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, or was he just trying to string her along?  
  
“Flattery won’t get you anywhere with me stranger.”   
  
She muttered, she felt slightly sickened at the attention and found herself reminded about Stevie. This man would no doubt get along superbly with the Mack family members. He most likely held the same sexist values, but knowing that much she also felt she could be confident enough in how she would approach him.  
  
“That’s too bad, but that alone puts you over the rest of the pack coming through here. Have you noticed that bomb in the middle of all of this filth?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Well you see I’m set out with a job that takes someone with skills to arm it.”  
  
She felt herself freeze, quickly feeling herself sober up somewhat. Was this maniac set on wiping out this entire town?  
  
“Why would you want to do that.”  
  
“Isn’t it obvious? This hellhole is a slight on my employers view and I have been sent out to remedy it. Don’t tell me you actually care about these people, didn’t you just stumble in to this town after all? If you were to aid me in my mission you would be rewarded and be allowed residence in Tenpenny Tower.”  
  
“I’ve never even heard of such a place.”  
  
As soon as those words escaped her mouth she felt fear towards herself, was she considering this? No she wasn’t, there was a mass of people living here but she didn’t know what she could do.  
  
“It’s one of the few remaining structures that remains unchanged since after the war.”  
  
“I’ll think about it.”   
  
She simply muttered as she went to leave but she felt his hand around her wrist, stopping her in her tracks.  
  
“I’ll be here whenever you’ve decided, or you know for whatever else might come across your mind and also the name is Mr. Burke.”  
  
He leered at her at the end of that sentence and she shuddered, pulling her arm viciously away from him. She still felt his skin linger on hers and she felt sickened by it, she just had to get away from here. This had been a shit idea to begin with, fuck why did she have to be so goddamned impulsive.  
  
Gob offered her a flask of purified water that she grabbed and left him some caps, hoping it was enough as she muttered a short “thanks pal” as she stormed out of the establishment.  
  
She sighed as the cool night air hit her, she had apparently been in there long enough for the sun to set and she sat down on the boardwalk, dangling her legs over the railing and drinking the water.  
  
She didn’t know what she had expected out of this world, she knew they had lived in that vault because the outside world had been wrecked by the war and she had rationally been aware of that as she stepped out of that door. But she never actually thought about what this would actually mean for the world. She felt like she had run out of one fire straight into another one and she felt her hope diminish.   
  


* * *

  
  
Butch fumbled with a gun as he, Officer Gomez, Susie and Stevie went to head out. They would all act as a search party to find Kitty and scout the neighboring area. Amata had found records that suggested a nearby settlement had been their allies before her father had decided they should seclude themselves. That had made the Mack kids want to join him as he headed out and Amata seemed happy at the prospect at ridding herself of them all.   
  
“Hey, so if we’ve been out there before what gives that that old man decided we shouldn’t anymore?”   
  
Susie muttered, she had just barely sobered up but she had jumped at this opportunity. Justifying it with him needing some fresh air but Butch could guess it had something to do with her feeling bad.  
  
“Well who knows kid, good thing Wally offed him huh?” Stevie chuckled and Butch cringed.  
  
“Shut up Stevie! Wally wasn’t the reason that fossil died, he had a weak heart or some shit. Old lady Taylor died from the stress so that was probably what happened to him too.”  
  
“You keep telling yourself that sis.”  
  
 “Hey, I get your tensions are running high right now Stevie but I don’t think it’s in anyone’s best interest to think about that right now. We need to go out there and stick together, god knows I would’ve preferred to go along with adults instead but since this is just a scouting mission I suppose it will be fine. We all stick closely together, safety’s off but don’t shoot at every little thing moving.”  
  
Butch turned around quickly as he heard that   
  
“But we’re going out there to get Kitty right?”  
  
Officer Gomez sighed and scratched his neck  
  
“Look Butch, I want to see her home as much as the next person but we can’t risk more people just for the sake of speed.”  
  
“Bullshit! She’s out there and she is all by herself! If we don’t go get her quick who knows what might happen to her?!”  
  
“Should’ve thought of that before you two timed her dontcha think?”  
  
Stevie sneered and Butch felt his fury flare up as he socked him right in the nose.  
  
“Fuck!” Was all Stevie uttered before hitting the floor  
  
“Hey! Cut it out, we don’t need to have a casualty before we’ve even left.”   
  
“Fucks sake Gomez are you really gonna just let that slide? He might’ve broken my nose!”  
  
“Well see it as practice, I’m not your dad Stevie and I won’t allow you to make a bad situation worse. Butch, no punching any of us for god’s sake, like it or not out there Stevie can be the difference between life or death for you.”  
  
“Fat chance.” Butch grumbled as he cocked his gun and pushed the door open to the outside.   
  


* * *

  
  
  
Kitty heard the bustling of people going to order food and the low sounds of the radio. A woman singing a song she remembered dancing to with Amata when they were still small. It was called stupid cupid and the woman had a real swing to her voice. She remembered their giggles and Amatas dark brown eyes twinkling as they pulled eachothers arms along in every which way, just enjoying being silly. She missed her friend, those vaultcorridors were hardly a place that had ever brought her comfort. But Amata was what she had always considered home and now she felt shame slither through her body as she remembered she had just up and left without saying goodbye. She wondered if it would still be an option to turn around but it was dark out now so she thought better of it and then she remembered Butch. Her heart ached at the memory, him mumbling sweet nothings to her and kissing away years of pain. Giving her something to live for and then yanking it away. She cursed to herself, why had she left like this? She didn’t know him fully, not really, but she knew that what he made her feel was genuine and she was so angry at herself for just running away.  
  
She heard footsteps behind her and turned around to see a gray-haired man walking up to her. She stood up to greet him, assuming it was who she had come to meet.  
  
“Moriarty?”  
  
“Oh no need for that, call me Colin, you’re James’s girl aint cha?”  
  
So he had come through here?  
  
“Yeah, do you know where he went?”  
  
“Well that depends lass, you’ve got a 100 caps on ya?”  
  
“What? No? I’m just asking you about where my dad went?”  
  
“Nothin’ is free out here lass, consider it a free lesson from me.”  
  
She felt a stab in her gut, of course he would want money, people were the same everywhere.  
  
“I don’t have that kind of money.”  
  
“Well then you better go earn ‘em lass. This information of mine doesn’t come free.”  
  
He turned around to leave her out there and she felt faint, would life never cut her a break? Was this how it was going to be wherever she went? She felt sick and cold all over before she saw white spot in front of her eyes. She tried to steady herself on the railing and managed to regain her composure. She needed to earn money, but she didn’t know how, more importantly where would she be able to sleep for the night?  
  
She followed him back into the bar, having sobered up she looked over to see Burke’s eyes on her again. She felt that feeling from that first party again, like she was somehow being undressed and made vulnerable against her will.   
  
She sat down facing Gob that offered a sympathetic smile.  
  
“Do you have any rooms for rent?” She muttered  
  
“Well, unless you want to pay Nova for her time then no such luck I’m afraid.”  
  
“What’s her going rate?”  
  
She acted as if she knew what Gob meant and saw him make an expression that she could’ve only compared to someone with brows raising them.  
  
“120 caps a night.”  
  
She pursed her lips, that was 20 more than Moriarty’s information would’ve cost her and all she had was what she had managed to loot before leaving the vault. There was no way for her to scrape up that amount of money and she felt like she was stuck in between a rock and a hard place.  
  
She felt hopeless, she didn’t have enough caps for somewhere to sleep and she didn’t know what she would do to earn any more. Then she got an idea that she hated as soon as she came up with it, Burke seemed like the type of man she might be able to sway, maybe she could make him help her out. But she realized that such a man had a prize of his own and she wasn’t thrilled about the prospect to have to act as if she found him anything but disgusting.  
  
She rested her face into the palms of her hands, a 100 different thoughts striking her all at once. Sleeping outside in this town would be dangerous, she would be vulnerable and left to her own devices without any way of making sure she wasn’t robbed or worse.  
  
She looked into her pocket realizing she only had enough money for a drink or two, but she steadied herself and ordered three shots. This was bound to be the beginning of a long night and she didn’t want to remember it.  
  
  
  
Butch felt the nightair hit his lungs as he pushed on further away from the group. Gomez had deemed it irresponsible to go on since it was dark out but all Butch heard out of that was more reason to worry. This was his fault and if she disappeared he would never be able to live with himself, this was his fault and he had to right it. He saw a faint light in the distance and mumbled to any higher powers to please allow him to make it there before being killed by some monster jumping him from the dark.  
  
She smelt whiskey on his breath and felt the rumbling of his laughing against her. Her original plan had been simple enough, keep the man company and make sure he drank his fill so he wouldn’t notice her hand in his pocket. But her inebriation made it all the harder to fake a happy expression as his hands searched their way closer to her. She had struck up small talk with him and he had offered to pay for her drinks. The soft cushiony feeling of the vodka was starting to kick in and she hoped to god that it wouldn’t turn to her passing out.   
  
The man had been just as she had expected, a pig with more money than he knew what to do with and an ego that he enjoyed to have stroked. What she didn’t want however was that he would come to expect her to stroke anything else. But as his arm found its way around her shoulders she looked up into his face to see him more wrinkled than her own father. Was this really worth it? Atleast sleeping outside would give her the sweet indulgence of getting to pretend it was safe. In here with him she could see her fate unfold before her as he pressed her closer.   
  
She remembered Butch’s blue eyes, the way he had made her heart ache and she felt tears behind her eyes. She didn’t want this, even if he did cheat on her or whatever she could cling onto how he made her feel. She imagined his face in front of her as she pressed her eyes shut, trying to find her happy place.  
  
  
Butch stumbled into a strange bar, having been directed by a man in a cowboyhat that said he had seen a girl matching his description. She would be easy enough to recognize, not too many people around here wearing blue suits. He looked around panicking beside himself and there she was. He felt his heart drop as she saw an old geezer trying to make the moves on her and he got furious as he saw that her eyes were closed. He saw the man see his opportunity and lean in to her and that’s when he snapped running up to them and punching him right in the face.  
  
  
Her quiet place was abrupted as she felt the man fall back from her and she heard a familiar voice shouting.  
  
No, she must be imagining things, she opened her eyes and realized that no. This was very real, he was actually here and he was trying to turn her unwanted suitors face into a pulp.  
  
She jumped to stand up, pulling him back, screaming at him to stop, what if the other man would shoot him.  
  
She heard a gunshot ring through the establishment and her heart stopped at the sound.    



	24. Home is where the heart is

“You bluesuits better fucking get out of here, you’re disrupting my fine establishment with your bullshit.”  
  
Moriarty shouted.  
  
Kitty saw Moriarty was the one with the smoking gun aimed at the ceiling, _thank god it had only been a warningshot.  
_  
“No problem old man, we were just leaving.”  
  
She heard that voice that just made her knees want to give out and she felt his familiar grip around her wrist as he pulled her out and with him into the cold night.  
  
As they came out from the saloon he turned to her, anger burning in his eyes.  
  
“What the fuck was that Kitty? Why did that creep have his hands anywhere near you?!”  
  
“I’m… I’m sorry I was just going to pickpocket him so I could afford to buy a room to sleep in!”  
  
”So you’re for sale now, that it? Hell you’ve been away for less than 24 hours, you didn’t need much time to make that decision now did you?”  
  
Now it was her turn to be angry, who the fuck did he think he was talking to her this way?  
  
“You’re one to talk meathead, I tell you I’m having doubts and what do you do? Throw yourself at Susie just a few hours after telling me you love me huh?”  
  
“You idiot that wasn’t what I wanted to happen at all, I wanted to make you jealous so I wanted… Never fucking mind it was stupid as shit, but I didn’t want that kiss to happen alright! Have you forgotten who I am in such a short time that you’d think I would do that?”  
  
“You seem to think I’ve gone around selling myself so you’re not in a position to use that shit against me jackass.”  
  
He fell back a little, this whole time he had still held onto her wrist but her words seemed to have brought him back down to earth again. But he didn’t say anything else, instead leading her away again.  
  
She just followed along, eternally grateful for his familiar warmth. He might be a jackass but she would take that over this world any day.  
  
As they walked she started to think over the situation further, she felt so happy, he had come for her and he was here all by himself?  
  
He pulled her along the boardwalks and then he guided her out into the night with him, out and away from this town.  
  
They didn’t speak as they walked their way back, the lights from their pipboys acting as their only guides about the ground in front of them. Butch had the vault marked on his map she supposed, he pulled her along like he had the other day and she wanted to cry from relief. But she thought better of it, he had done this much for her and she wasn’t going to push her luck further.  
  
He helped her down from steep hills, going ahead of her and waiting to allow her to use his arm as support. It felt comforting, they were both furious but that didn’t mean that they had stopped caring.  
  
He had said that it hadn’t been his intention to kiss Susie, She didn’t know what to make of that but the happiness of him coming for her and taking her back home was all she needed for now. The rest was just details that could wait, she suddenly longed for the familiar buzzing of ventilation and metallic walls.  
  
They went up the hill to that door she had escaped through the previous day, a faint glow radiating from far inside of it and she stopped in her tracks. She couldn’t go back in there without talking to him, leaving things in the air was what had caused them both so much pain up until now and she didn’t want to go on to have history repeat itself.  
  
He felt her stopping and turned to her, those blue eyes searching her face.  
  
“What? You don’t want to go back pipsqueak?”  
  
He said in a low voice that had that same vulnerable tinge to it that she had come to recognize.  
  
She smirked and closed her other hand over the one he held over her wrist.  
  
“I wouldn’t have let you drag me along all this way if I didn’t meathead.”  
  
“Nosebleed.”  
  
“Moron.”  
  
He closed his arms around her then, a sudden action that had her breath hitch. That warmth of his much taller body surrounding her like a familiar blanket and he still smelled of cigarettes and that stupid pomade. She didn’t have enough words to put into explaining what she felt, it all felt so silly now. It was so unimportant in the scheme of things and all she needed was him here with her.  
  
Amata paced back and forth, the searchparty had come back emptyhanded and Butch had disappeared to boot. A part of her wanted him to be found dead, he had pained her friend so much already he deserved no less. But a bigger part of her worried that what if Kitty came back and he was gone? How would Amata explain that, they fought of course but she doubted very much so that her friend would stop caring about that idiot. She sat down behind her newly appointed desk and put her hands together in prayer. Feeling it was worth a shot if nothing else.  
  
“Dear god, please give her back to me, I promise I will do my utmost to forgive these shitheads and be a fair overseer just give her back. If you don’t I will… I will… I have no idea what I’ll do but she’s all I have. Please, I just want her back, amen or whatever.”  
  
She steadied her face against her hand, playing with a small gold cross necklace that dangled around her neck. It was the one thing she had of her mothers, she hadn’t like Kitty been raised to believe in god but desperate times call for desperate matters.  
  
She heard footsteps from outside and straightened up, doing her best to act the part of being in charge.  
  
It was Herman Gomez, the older man steadied himself on his knees and panted as if calming down from a sprint.  
  
“Are they back?”  
  
She asked, trying not to let her eagerness show through to much.  
  
_Expect the worst, then it won’t hurt as bad.  
  
_ “They’re back!” He finally managed to spit out, raising his fist in a gesture of victory.  
  
Her chair fell back and made a loud clank as she sprinted from her chair and she would scold herself for her girlish behavior later on but for now all she felt was happiness at being wrong.  
  
She ran, she ran and ran in these familiar corridors that had for so long felt suffocating.  
_  
She’s back, she’s back, she’s not dead, I still have her, thank you god, thank you so much_  
  
On the other side of the vault near it’s entrance Kitty gave Butch a quick peck on his cheek before running off, leaving him standing there with a knowing grin as he saw her disappear into the vault.  
  
_She needs to know I didn’t mean to leave her, she needs to know she is and always will be my family._  
  
The girls met halfway, hearing one another’s footsteps closing in on and as they saw each other they stopped in their tracks. Amata felt her tears coming out again as she ran that last bit to tackle her best friend, her sister, her family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't leave you hanging so let's feel good again


	25. Freedom in captivity

She fell down into her familiar bed, it might’ve been a short trip in reality but to her it had felt like it had lasted forever. Apparently Amata was overseer now and that thought was comforting Kitty to no end. She finally felt like she could breathe again and now with the added information about previous vaultdwellers travels out into the wastes they had a way into the outside world without having to leave their home permanently. It felt like such an incredible relief, knowing that life wouldn’t just stop inside these vault walls if things didn’t work out for people, but she felt she had her place right here. 

She felt the bed sink and that familiar warmth of him closing around her, pulling her close against him again. She breathed in his familiar scent, feeling sleep try to creep over her. She felt like she was finally where she belonged and it felt so surreal that it was where it had all begun. 

“I oughta lock you up pipsqueak, can’t have you running away on me again.”

She chuckled in response to his comment, nuzzling closer to his neck. Their issues hadn’t been forgotten by any means, but they had come to a point where it felt like they knew what mattered and she didn’t feel like she would have to run away again.

“No worries, I am right where I belong after all.” 

“Better believe it nosebleed.”

She played with a piece of the covers, grateful to be back to no end but also feeling mischievous. That was a perk of having known him since they were kids, she felt like she was allowed to be childish around him.

“It’s funny though, in storybooks the girl ends up with a charming perfect prince and here I am stuck with you.” 

He chuckled and she felt it vibrate through her body

“Deal with it dweeb, you’re no catch either.”

“Can’t argue with that I suppose.”

It was so bizarre all of it, this place had been the place of all of her nightmares and her fears. This boy… Man? Beside her had been her bully for the longest time and now he was her… Well that was yet to be figured out. It felt like such a strange blessing all of it. Her dad may have left her but she felt more full of love than she had ever felt before. 

“Hey, how did you even find me so easily?”

“I followed the light, you’re my light after all.”

She groaned and tried to escape his grip as he held her closer, she could feel that fucking grin again and he was making her cringe at the pure cheesiness of his comment.

“I changed my mind we need to end this right now, I can’t be with you.”

“Aaaah, there’s no escaping me now nosebleed, finders keepers and I found you out there its only right I get to keep ya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like I needed to have atleast the first part of this story end here. It felt right to me somehow, this story has been a very therapeutic experience for me. Most of these characters are based off of real life people in my life and while I do maybe intend to continue their story in a different series (tell me if you want me to and I will) I feel like this concludes the first part of it all. This story is healing for me and I want this to be my "canon", we don't always get real actual happy endings in real life but I wanted to give this story one. This story is like my happy place and I want to say a great big thank you to all of you that has left kudos and comments. It means alot to me since this story takes so much from my actual self and is probably the most close to home story I will ever write.
> 
> If you want to chat or follow me on tumblr my handle on there is the same as here!
> 
> Thank you for reading my fic!


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